This is Peanut Butter Brickle. Do you have a favorite place to eat? I sure do. I love eating outdoors. Al fresco to be fancy.
I guess I didn’t expect so many random memories to come up all of the time. Even about tables. Our favorite lunch spot in the park. “Our Table.” Not a fancy table but it was ours together. And the table is still here. The memories are still here. But I’m missing my Digby.
They say you can never go home again. And I disagree because since we started traveling, we’ve been home quite a few times. But maybe what they mean is that things change. And home is never the same. And never quite as you want it to be. Because the ones that were there were actually home.
We used to go hiking here at this park and sit by the table and have treats.
Girl Person would take our picture. We would watch the squirrels. Friends would meet us here. And I remember all of that.
We used to talk about all our travels and where we were going next while we were at the table. I can still picture us here. And I wonder if the table remembers us too. Does the table recognize me? I’ve changed. I’m sad. I’m unsure. But the table hasn’t left. The table will be there long after us. And how is that fair? How does that make any sense? It. Is. Ridiculous. The table doesn’t have family. The table doesn’t have friends. The table didn’t travel together for over ten years. The table is making me mad.
I do get mad sometimes. Mad at the table that it is here instead of Digby. Grief doesn’t make much sense at some moments. But it’s ok to feel what we feel and then understand why we are feeling it. What I’m mad at is not at the table actually. I’m just mad at these feelings. I’m so glad Digby isn’t in pain. But wow. I miss him at “our table”.
For over ten years, I have written about what we are going thru at that time. It’s not always fun. It’s not always obvious how we will get thru it. But we always get thru it with you. We are family.
And there’s a spot at this table for you too. It’s reserved. Sit down. Let’s chat awhile. Also, I’ll start with the peanut butter.
–Peanut Butter Brickle