This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle and I had to write a traffic report today. On myself.
Have you ever been driving and see something and you’re like whoah! I have to turn around for that. It could be a hamburger. It could be some tacos or a peanut butter cookie drive-thru. I’ve never seen one, but if I did you better know I would turn around.
But apparently, sometimes, it is illegal to do a u-turn. I guess since I am a Sheriff, I should know where these areas are. I also guess I forgot.
So Girl Person, me and Digby were taking our evening walk. Fireworks started going off, and I tell you what, I am dern sick of them in this neighborhood. People set them off here for any reason. Holiday, paycheck time, or to irritate me. Mission accomplished. Deputy Digby does not put up with fireworks. He flees like butter on a pancake. He about yanks Girl Person’s arm off and tries to cut our walk short. So Girl Person took him back to the house and told me that we would continue our walk, our date, me and her and that Digby could do his normal hiding out. Cool. I’m down with that.
I wasn’t even thinking of traffic rules, and as we were walking, I saw the most coolest dog on the block. He is up in years and is not in such a good mood. He’s kinda like the popular furkid on the block, but he is not having it. He deems association with the new kids beneath him and likes to snarl like Elvis. I really want to get to know him. So as we were walking past, I pretended not to notice him and to act all cool too. But then I decided that yep…it was worth turning around. Illegal u-turn I suppose. So I yanked Girl Person almost over and tried to get to the cool kid. Girl Person asked me what in the world I was doing. She said that it was not Sheriff like and that I was about to have to arrest myself. She told me that Elvis (that’s his name now) was a Katrina dog and that I should give him the respect he deserves and admire him from afar. Well la de daaaaah. So….I still tried to turn around as Elvis went back inside with another stink eye glance to stay off his property. Well. I already have an infraction for the illegal u-turn and I did not want one for trespassing too.
So let me get to writing this report on myself. The things I have to do as Sheriff. I am the law. So I am letting myself off this time with a warning. And a sentence for two peanut butter cookies. Because I feel like it.
Ok. One last thing. I have to tell you this as the Sheriff I am. Be careful with all those fireworks tonight. Keep your animals inside and be safe. That’s all for now.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle