Sometimes I am compelled to write down my thoughts. I’ve been writing my dogs’ thoughts for over 12 years. But today, even in the midst of depressing feelings and self doubt, I feel the need to speak my own thoughts. Often, when any of us are in survival mode, it’s so hard to give notice to our feelings. Because acknowledging those feelings is hard. And it’s a risk that seeing our problems will make them even bigger.
We made a decision at the beginning of this year to give up the RV life and buy a little house in Italy to move to with our dogs.
As of late, we are in a permanent vacation of sorts. Waiting for the pieces of the Italy puzzle to fall into place. It’s been really hard to juggle work with the future. It’s been really hard to make ends meet when we pretty much have two lives. One life is in Italy and our little house that we bought.
One life is here in the states, waiting on a plane ride for our dogs and ourselves. And because that plane ride could come next week or months from now, we are moving around from vacation rental to vacation rental. I know it’s temporary. But yeah. It’s tiring.
We could have already been in Italy. But for Brickle, our gut feelings told us that the boat ride we had booked and paid for was a no go. At the time of the booking. It felt right. But Brickle aged faster. And he always. Always. Comes first.
Even Now, I want to acknowledge that these are issues of our own making. A change of life and a move to another country is hard. Very hard. I recognize the privilege to have the opportunity to do so when so many problems in the world are way bigger than us. I fully acknowledge that.
But I’ve always said, your problems are your own. They are big to each one of us. And this is the biggest thing I’ve ever tried to do. This is really hard. And without the help of people who have believed in me, I would have already given up. I would have said I’m not worth this effort. I would have listened to some people telling me this was the wrong decision. Even though I know in my heart it’s not.
The lowest points of our lives can sure look different to others. And my dream is just that. Mine. It’s no one else’s responsibility to make it happen but me. I can’t cry on the outside when I get scared. Because I went down this path. But that being said, I would not have come this far without some very caring and loving people who believe in me too. And I say thank you. I say I’ll make this happen not only for me and my dogs and my family. But for you too.
I’ve spent the last 7 years traveling. One year of animal rescue volunteer work turned into 7. And I enjoy helping animals. I enjoy helping the people that help them. And little do they know, they have saved my life. Many times.
No matter how depressed I have been or how depressed I may be, I won’t let them down. Ever. Whether it’s fundraising for a rescue or promoting them on our social media channels, this is what I was meant to do. And I can’t wait to continue helping animals in the states while educating myself and others on animals in different countries. There is no limit to each one of us and our capabilities for compassion. There should never be any boundaries.
I write this to hold myself accountable. To realize that I can do this. To have a record of our struggles along this journey. I hope that one day soon, we are on that plane to our new life and home. I hope we can start our new videos and content with our dogs and our little house. I see all of this in my mind. Even in survival mode.
If you are in survival mode right now, I may not know the reason why. But I see you. And I’m proud of you. And I love you. Thank you for loving our dogs most of all. Without you, nothing would be possible. Not our blog. Not our social channels. Thank you.