This is Peanut Butter Brickle. You may have noticed we didn’t post so much on that social media thing yesterday. We have been feeling a bit sad. A bit down. Missing Digby is harder than we ever could have imagined. We all handle grief in our own way. But some days we just can’t deal with it at all.
It’s been over five months since Digby passed away. In some ways it doesn’t seem that long. In other ways, it feels like forever. One day without him was too long. And I struggle to find a way to describe my grief. Girl Person and Boy Person struggle too.
The facts remain that were always there. We know we don’t have endless days together. None of us do. We know that he isn’t here.
We know we had good times. We know he was loved. We know all of that. But facts aren’t feelings. Facts don’t take away the feelings. No matter how many times you hear others say it. No matter how many times you know it and recite in to yourself.
I think persons get facts and feelings mixed up. They know what to tell themselves and they sure like to tell others. But feelings have a life of their own. You feel it when you feel it. You have a right to feel it. You have a right to sit with your feelings or throw them out the door. They are your feelings. Own them. And don’t tell others what they should do with theirs.
Grief is the worst emotion I have ever felt. It leaves an emptiness. It leaves guilt. It leaves unsaid words. It leaves tears. Yes. I remember the happy times. But right now, I don’t need to be told I should remember those. Because I also remember the last day. And that’s a fact. The feelings come from that.
They say grief is a process. And I know that time helps in some ways. But in other ways, it’s a reminder that the world goes on. I look around and I feel like saying, “how can you smile? Don’t you remember Digby?” I know it doesn’t make much sense. But sometimes I want the whole world to stop and acknowledge that! That’s how I feel.
Others may try to make us feel better sometimes and we should appreciate that. It’s harder to say something than nothing. Remember others mean well. But it’s ok to feel what you need to. Just keep trying. Keep being here. I need you. We all need each other. And that’s a fact.
–Peanut Butter Brickle
Did you know that we have written this dog blog every weekday thru the eyes of our dogs since 2011? Yes. It’s because we love you and we need you just as much as you need us. Come back every weekday for a new blog! Thanks for being here.
I understand your loss. The grief is as deep as the love was.
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Due to the vagaries of WordPress, I haven’t had a post from 2 Traveling Dogs in a long time. My bad for not going looking for y’all, but it’s been a rather terrible year for lots of reasons. I’m so very sorry to hear of the passing of Digby. My condolences. Your post reminded me of the number of beloved four foots that have crossed Rainbow Bridge. I say I have a pack waiting for me over there, and that will be Heaven to see them all again. Grief takes time, everyone is on a different schedule for it, and there are no right or wrong expressions. I’m glad you have a companion for Peanut Butter Brickle. We all deserve friends. Blessings to all of you and safe journey!
Do I tell you, It has been 34 years for one huge loss that still hurts and brings the guilt. It is 14 years since the other loss and still those same feelings. Time enables me to live with these feelings. Grief will always be part of this life I have lived on this plane. A reminder of the love I have felt and still feel. Hugs and pats.
That empty space Digby left in your heart — in all our hearts — can’t be filled in by anyone or anything else. It’s just there, and some days it’s overwhelming. I had a beloved cat that died of vaccination sarcoma in 1995. I was attending grad school after work in those days. When I had a paper due, Jack curled up by my right foot, always the right foot, while I sat at the computer to write. Today, still, when I’m on my computer, I miss seeing him there. Had he never become ill at all, he would not be here today; cats just don’t live that long; if they did, he’d be over 30 years old. But the grief can be overwhelming at times, even now. I so totally understand and feel your grief, including the feelings of guilt over things you really could not control. And, no, no one can tell you just let it go, just handle it. They’re not you. You find ways to deal with it, you find moments that make you laugh, but ultimately, Digby still isn’t there. And that fact will never change; and that is the fact that overwhelms your feelings sometimes. BUT, don’t feel guilty when you do laugh, because you do have lots of reasons to do that, too. When you’re ready.