This is Peanut Butter Brickle. You may have noticed we didn’t post so much on that social media thing yesterday. We have been feeling a bit sad. A bit down. Missing Digby is harder than we ever could have imagined. We all handle grief in our own way. But some days we just can’t deal with it at all.
It’s been over five months since Digby passed away. In some ways it doesn’t seem that long. In other ways, it feels like forever. One day without him was too long. And I struggle to find a way to describe my grief. Girl Person and Boy Person struggle too.
The facts remain that were always there. We know we don’t have endless days together. None of us do. We know that he isn’t here.
We know we had good times. We know he was loved. We know all of that. But facts aren’t feelings. Facts don’t take away the feelings. No matter how many times you hear others say it. No matter how many times you know it and recite in to yourself.
I think persons get facts and feelings mixed up. They know what to tell themselves and they sure like to tell others. But feelings have a life of their own. You feel it when you feel it. You have a right to feel it. You have a right to sit with your feelings or throw them out the door. They are your feelings. Own them. And don’t tell others what they should do with theirs.
Grief is the worst emotion I have ever felt. It leaves an emptiness. It leaves guilt. It leaves unsaid words. It leaves tears. Yes. I remember the happy times. But right now, I don’t need to be told I should remember those. Because I also remember the last day. And that’s a fact. The feelings come from that.
They say grief is a process. And I know that time helps in some ways. But in other ways, it’s a reminder that the world goes on. I look around and I feel like saying, “how can you smile? Don’t you remember Digby?” I know it doesn’t make much sense. But sometimes I want the whole world to stop and acknowledge that! That’s how I feel.
Others may try to make us feel better sometimes and we should appreciate that. It’s harder to say something than nothing. Remember others mean well. But it’s ok to feel what you need to. Just keep trying. Keep being here. I need you. We all need each other. And that’s a fact.
–Peanut Butter Brickle
Did you know that we have written this dog blog every weekday thru the eyes of our dogs since 2011? Yes. It’s because we love you and we need you just as much as you need us. Come back every weekday for a new blog! Thanks for being here.