This is Peanut Butter Brickle. Today I am writing to you after many days of just trying to cope with Digby Pancake’s loss.
I know that you all have been there for us. And to be honest, and I’m always honest, I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. If I told you I knew where we go from here, that would not be the truth. So what I’m hoping is that we can work on our feelings and expressing our feelings together. Sometimes, I may sound irrational. Sometimes I may sound mad. And today, I’m going to start back slow on the blog to tell you what happened.
First of all, I know you have questions about the day Digby passed. He went to sleep peacefully. While Boy Person was at the store trying to get him ice cream that day, he took a turn for the worst. I personally knew it was going to be that day, December 1st. But the persons did not know. So Digby waited until Boy Person got home. And although he could hardly lift his head, he looked up at him and sighed. And he was gone. Girl Person tried to do CPR. Boy Person tried too. But they had to let him go. Somehow I know you needed to know what happened. Because not knowing things is worse. And as the persons held him, Girl Person told him we would see him soon. And I believe that too. With all my heart.
We took Digby in the truck for one last ride to the rescue farm we had just visited. They told us we could lay Digby to rest there. It seemed like the right thing to do. If there is ever any right thing to do in situations like this.
The reason I am telling you this is to get it out. I need to talk about it so that I can concentrate on the good parts of Digby’s life. When he died, we all felt guilt. About big things and little things. When he died, we all felt like our world was gone. And I suppose you can never get rid of that sadness. You just add it to the things you carry.
Girl Person had been questioning if the blog should go on. The persons are tired and felt like maybe animal rescue was too hard now. The persons felt useless and guilty that they couldn’t keep Digby here longer. They felt like they let everyone down. See how I told you I would be irrational sometimes?
But then something happened after that December 1st and we moved campgrounds. We had to. We had to get out of there. And we felt like we were in a daze. Just trying to breathe. And one morning at that campsite, Girl Person walked outside. She thought she saw something out of the corner of her eyes. And she saw him. A dog. A light brown dog. An old dog. A skinny dog. A dog not on a leash wandering around. He looked so much like Digby that she almost fainted.
And she asked Boy Person if he knew whose dog that was. And he just sighed and said no. They went over to the dog who was hot and tired. They talked with some other campers. They gave him water and food. So much food we had that Digby wouldn’t eat in that last week. And the dog ate it and rested. The persons called shelters and the ranger and rescues. Girl Person was so tired from the last week she was crying and wondering how they were going to help this poor dog. And we couldn’t help but be reminded of Digby. Oh. Digby.
An hour went by and the dog was getting a little happier. Girl Person wondered if they could take this old dog. If no one claimed him, could we do it? But then a car pulled up. And campers jumped out shocked. This dog was their dog. He could barely walk. He had a ramp. He had never ever done something like this before!
How could he have done this? Because you see, he jumped out of a screen window high off the ground. A window he somehow squeezed out of and decided he wanted to go out while they went to breakfast. They were in utter shock he had not broken something. He was 12 and ill. All of a sudden thru many more tears, the persons realized their calling again. An animal needing help had found them. And he sure looked like Digby. It made us all stop. The blog would go on.
You can thank Riley here.
Sometimes in life we may not know how to go on or recover or even how to breathe anymore. I don’t know how we will go on. But I do know that I need to talk about it and I need your help. But for today, the hardest part is over. I finally talked to you about it. Thank you.
Digby did not have any bad days. None. Because his outlook was of Sunshiney. Although I cannot take his place and I don’t want to, I am still here. I still need to write this blog for now. And I hope you’ll help guide me in the way that I should.
Until the beginning of the year, we will be taking every Friday off to try and find some peace and comfort. We will have a guest blog from some of our favorite people and we hope you’ll enjoy. We know you’ll understand. We love you.
–Peanut Butter Brickle