I Love You More Than Bees

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This is Fruitycake. Screaming in the morning is never a good thing—unless you are screaming for ice cream. And literally, I have no idea why persons do that. It seems like all that screaming would only make the ice cream melt before someone finally brought it to you.

But Girl Person did scream.

She screamed for all and everyone and then for more of everyone to hear. I am quite certain that every bird on Portofino mountain stopped singing. The cinghiale froze in the woods. The lizards ran under the nearest rocks. Somewhere at the bottom of the mountain, a person probably looked up and wondered if the rustico had finally fallen down.

It had not.

Girl Person had simply put on her pants.

Normally, putting on pants is not an emergency. I personally avoid pants whenever possible, and this story proves that I have been right to do so. Pants are suspicious. You cannot see what is waiting inside them. You put one leg in, and then the other, trusting that they contain nothing except your legs.

That is far too much trust to place in an article of clothing.

When Girl Person put on her pants that morning, there was a giant something hiding inside them. And when you put on pants containing a giant something, that giant something may feel trapped. It may panic. It may bite you. It may sting you. It may cause a commotion unlike anything ever heard before on Portofino mountain.

You want to talk about getting hurt? Stung? Yeah.

When Boy Person heard Girl Person scream, he thought that a cinghiale had climbed into her pants. And honestly, that might have been less painful. It certainly would have been easier to spot. A wild boar makes a noticeable lump in your trousers.

Girl Person began jumping, slapping and screaming at the same time. I did not know whether I should protect her, hide from her or check the kitchen to see if breakfast had been abandoned. In an emergency, a dog must consider all available options.

Then she ripped off her pants.

That is when Boy Person began looking for the culprit. Was it a scorpion? A snake? A herd of cattle? A moon rock? A bolt of lightning? All of those possibilities seemed too ordinary for the amount of screaming taking place.

No. It was a bee.

But this was not one of those tiny, polite bees that floats around a flower and minds its own business. This was a violet carpenter bee. It was enormous, dark and shiny, with beautiful purple-blue wings. Under different circumstances, Girl Person might have admired it.

These were not different circumstances.

This particular bee had apparently inspected the entire rustico and decided that Girl Person’s pants were the ideal place to begin a new construction project. Carpenter bees are known for drilling into wood. This bee evidently took one look at Girl Person’s backside and thought, “Close enough.”

There was no permit. There was no warning. There was not even a written estimate.

Boy Person finally found the giant bee while Girl Person continued to cry and make statements that I will not repeat on a family dog blog. The bee flew away as if nothing unusual had happened. I am pretty sure it waved goodbye.

Maybe it went home and told the other bees that a wild person had attacked it with a pair of pants.

Meanwhile, the screaming continued.

I stayed nearby because that is what a good dog does. I offered emotional support by staring very seriously at Girl Person. I also sniffed the pants to make certain there were no additional bees inside. This was an important safety inspection, although no one thanked me.

Boy Person kept examining the scene like a detective. Girl Person kept asking how a bee had gotten into her pants. I thought the answer was obvious: the bee flew into them. Bees do not generally arrive by train.

The larger question was why Girl Person had left her pants somewhere a bee could access them. At the rustico, we live in the middle of nature. Nature does not understand personal boundaries. Ants walk into the kitchen without knocking. Lizards enter the house and refuse to pay rent. Spiders build entire condominiums overnight. Cinghiale rearrange the land. Bees apparently try on your clothes.

Living close to nature sounds very romantic until nature gets into your pants.

Girl Person eventually stopped screaming. She was sore, shocked and more than a little offended. But after the panic passed, she also felt bad for the bee. The bee had not climbed into those pants with a carefully planned mission against her butt. It was probably hiding, resting or simply confused. Then suddenly, an entire Girl Person came down on top of it.

That would make anyone panic.

This is the difficult thing about love. Sometimes we love nature when it is beautiful and convenient. We love the waterfall when it flows. We love the birds when they sing. We love the bees when they pollinate flowers from a safe and respectful distance.

It is harder to love nature when it has eight legs, eats the garden, enters the kitchen or drills into your backside before breakfast.

But love cannot only be for the easy moments.

The bees have a place here. So do the spiders, the lizards, the cinghiale and the persons who scream loudly enough to alarm an entire Italian mountain. We all belong to the same wild, inconvenient and astonishing world.

That does not mean Girl Person wants another bee in her pants. Forgiveness is one thing. Foolishness is another.

From now on, every piece of clothing will be shaken before anyone puts it on. Shoes will be inspected. Pants will require a complete security clearance. I have volunteered to lead these inspections, especially if Girl Person begins storing dog treats in her pockets.

After everything settled down, I sat beside her. Dogs know when persons need someone nearby, even when there is nothing we can do to remove the pain. I could not undo the sting. I could not have a serious conversation with the bee. I could only stay close and remind Girl Person that she was not alone.

That is one of the best things love can do.

Love does not always prevent the sting. Sometimes love sits beside you afterward while you cry, complain and refuse to put your pants back on.

And that is why I love Girl Person more than bees.

I love bees quite a lot—from a reasonable distance. They help flowers grow. They make gardens possible. They are small miracles with wings. But Girl Person provides my meals, rubs my ears and occasionally shares her pizza.

The bees never share pizza.

The choice is clear.

Fruitycake’s Affirmation: I Can Find Love After The Sting

Say this out loud with your dog:

I cannot prevent every painful or unexpected moment, but I can choose what I do afterward. I will breathe, accept the love beside me and remember that one sting does not make the whole world dangerous. Today, I will keep my heart open, my sense of humor close and my pants thoroughly inspected.

Life will occasionally surprise you. Sometimes the surprise will be beautiful, like a waterfall returning after the rain. Sometimes it will be a giant bee hiding in your trousers.

Either way, take a breath. Stay close to those you love. And before you get dressed tomorrow morning, shake everything.

Fruitycake

P.S. From Fruitycake: Girl Person survived the bee, but we still need your help surviving the bills—and making our rescue visit possible. We need to raise $1,900 for accommodations, a rental car with insurance and necessary incidentals. If enough is not raised, we may have to postpone the visit until the following week—or cancel it altogether.

You can donate specifically toward the rescue visit here: https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/QDBKM47GL4EJA

You can help with our everyday necessities here: www.tinyurl.com/2tdnecessities

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If you cannot donate or purchase a shirt, sharing these links is also a meaningful way to help. Thank you for keeping us going, believing in the rescue work we hope to begin and helping us reach the animals waiting to be seen. I promise to inspect all pants for bees before departure.