That Dog Can’t Drive 55

This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. You wouldn’t think that traffic would be an issue at a campground. But apparently, no one here seems to know that a Sheriff is in their midst.  Good thing in some ways, because I only have so much of this to go around.

Speeding, changing lanes without a blinker and texting are just the beginning.  My job has been made harder by the ones who are a little more creative with their law breaking skills.  We have little persons on bikes with too many wheels that make too much noise.  We have campers who try to park their houses on wheels in too tight of spaces and think by yelling “stop!” every five seconds that it somehow will improve their parking skills.  We have persons that let their dogs bark at us from their cars, and oh, that makes me madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory.  I heard that one time. I didn’t laugh then and I am not laughing now.

But the one lawbreaker who takes the cake around here?  That would be the speeding dog.  That dog can’t drive 55 in a 10 miles per hour traffic zone.  

That makes me madder than Digby when dinner is five minutes late. And no one laughs about that.


Every day, that dog and his person come speeding by here.  Sometimes, they speed down by the beach.  Sometimes, I can imagine they speed anywhere they dern well please.  That dog is on a leash running with his person biking as fast as he can go. We see them coming.  And we barely have enough time to get worked up.  

Girl Person sometimes tries to run away.  Sometimes, she can do nothing but brace herself and tell us in her sternest voice, “DO NOT”. But we do. You can’t order law enforcement.

You see, that dog has a mission.  He is on a mission.  To make me mad.  Well, that dog? A warrant has been issued for your arrest.  One day, I will catch you and I will ask you, “What’s the hurry?”. And you will try to bark yourself out of a ticket, but too late.  I have it all ready for you and I will be faster giving it to you than how fast you think you are going.  Which I will ask you about that too.

Do I need radar?  My radar is broken because you have broken the record of making me madder than a turnip that didn’t fall off the turnip truck.

There is a reason that there are speed limit signs.  You can’t just do what you want to do.  If everyone had no regard for others, what would this world look like? I suppose a lot like it does now, because that is what its about.  If the world we are caught up in and the deadlines we put on ourselves are too much, sometimes we go faster to try and get them done.  But then we can’t see anything around us.  Only ourselves.  So slow down.  You set your pace.  And don’t make others feel bad about how slow they go.

Just move lanes.  And don’t forget your blinker.

-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle

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