This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. A lot of persons need arresting. I don’t have enough time. I have other things to do like looking at myself.
Girl Person doesn’t have a lot of time either. She especially doesn’t have time to answer her phone when it rings.
She hates the phone. Hates it.
Maybe you know that annoying feeling. When your phone rings and you’re expected to answer it.
If you are Girl Person, sometimes you decide to check to see who it is. Most of the time though, you just let it ring until you can’t hear Digby Pancake’s howling. That takes awhile.
Girl Person says that is something is that important, they will leave a message. But I say if it’s not about peanut butter cookies, it’s never that important.
Now. You would think that if Girl Person hates the telephone so bad, she wouldn’t answer it. But she’s become so irritated lately that she does answer it. Uh oh.
It usually goes like this. First call, “Is Morgan there? I want to buy your house.”
Well dude, her name isn’t Morgan and if you want to buy this RV, more power to you. But it quite often loses power.
Second call? “This is the computer programming department and we need to take control of your computer.” Well, person? Our computer has a mind of its own and right now it’s telling me that you’re a scam, wham, bam, thank you. Man. ”
Usually about this time, Girl Person tells me that she’s for sure mistaken that calls are meant to be answered. But she tries once more.
About this time, she is mad. Irritated. And she wants to throw the phone. But she answers one last time. “Hello. This is the police. We have a warrant for your arrest. You didn’t pay taxes and this is your last notification.” Well, let me tell you. Taxes are paid when you actually earn money. And I’ve never heard of a cookie or pancake tax. If so, lock me up and throw away the keys. But until then, as Sheriff, I have one thing to say. You. Are. All. Arrested.
Modern conveniences are nice sometimes. But we often forget what life was like before them. When we could take a walk and not be expected to answer a phone. Some of us feel guilty when we aren’t available or when we don’t want to be. But time is precious. Time is not to be wasted. Put away the phones and see who is there. You may not see them if you’re answering your phone. Can that guy wait to buy Morgan’s house or the person who wants our computer or even the police? I’m sure they’ll call back. Let me answer…
–Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle