This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. I like nighttime. We’ve usually worked real hard during the day hiking and eating and sleeping and policing camp.
So when night comes, and we are all together in one room, because we only have one room, it’s nice. Real nice. Until unexpected company arrived.
There I was, eating my matzo crackers and ice cream.
Digby had his nightly, yogurt barktail. The persons had their wine in dollar store glasses. So yeah. It was nice. But, hey. I’m not the social type. And so, if I’m going to have company, I really have to prepare myself ahead of time.
But this unexpected guest didn’t care. He didn’t even knock. And he ran in here and across my matzo crackers like there was a race. To eat my matzo crackers.
When people watch a race, they cheer and yell and get all happy. And that did not happen…except for the yelling from Girl Person. Boy Person told her to calm down and get the red bug cup.
She did. But she wasn’t fast enough for this uninvited guest. He slipped underneath Digby’s dog bed and he jumped up faster than a bead of butter on a hot griddle. He was outta there. Girl Person was outta there. And neither I nor Boy Person could find him. No one could.
Now, there are plenty of cracks to get into if you are this type of guest. You don’t even ask to leave. Cause in this house, if you don’t bring a gift of peanut butter cookies when you come, I’ll show you to the door. Unless you find it first. And well, we were hoping out of sight, out of mind. But that was wrong, y’all.
Because as Girl Person went to wash the dishes, and Boy Person stepped out of the room, it was me on watch. This Sheriff. And I watched as the uninvited guest made yet another run across the floor to my matzo. And I wasn’t having it. It was time for a healthy snack.
Before Girl Person could say no, I didn’t even think. I gulped that guest up in one bite. One bite. Girl Person gasped. She told Boy Person what had happened. And he didn’t believe her. No. Not one bit. “He ate the roach? Noooo. The whole roach? Nooo. No he didn’t.” So I licked my lips. And the argument was settled.
What wasn’t settled was my stomach. Because my lack of discernment left a very bad taste in my mouth. Had I reacted too swiftly? Should I have found a better solution? Maybe I could have. Maybe I should have. There was no maybe. The roach didn’t deserve that. It was just being a roach. And a good one at that.
Because even though I had solved the immediate issue, there was no doubt more would follow. It will be a long while before I eat another roach. I’ll tell you that. He was no peanut butter cookie. As Sheriff, I often have to break bad news. And I hope that if this uninvited guest’s friends or family is looking for him, that they know he was a good runner. Marathon status. He might have ran to his demise. But he taught me to stop, think, and not just try to take care of a problem quickly. But to reason why it’s there in the first place. Yeah. I may need to be more tidy with my matzo. I. Am. Arrested.
–Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle