If you follow our blog, and maybe knew Brickle and Digby since 2011 when we started it, you know how much they mean to me. You know how much that they meant and still mean to all of us.

I’ve been on a journey of extreme grief. I’ve been walking the miles, flying the miles, running from everything in my life. Whether that be happy things or sad things, and all the inbetweens. When Brickle left this earth as we know it in July, I lost mysef. I truly lost all joy. I couldn’t find my way without him. Until yesterday. And I finally realized the gift he left for me in his last hour.

I never want to allude to, or influence anyone’s religious beliefs. We all have our own. All I can do is tell my experiences. Each of us has a belief when it comes to death. And I certainly don’t claim to know any more than anyone. But I do know and I do believe that Brickle left a gift for me in his last hour that I found. Yesterday.

The day we made the decision to end Brickle’s suffering was the hardest day of my life. But I will not dwell on the sadness of that day right now. To do that would be to undermine his gift to me. And what a wonderful gift it was. And it could have only come from him.

There he was on that day in July. Laying in the doorway of our house. He was looking outside, but his gaze was on me. Every time I checked on him that day, he was not able to move physically. But he was alert in mind. As always. As I made that call to the vet, we second guessed and third guessed our decision. But Brickle knew it was time. He stared at me as I pulled up a chair and sat by him. That last hour came. He was at peace. We stared at each other. I tried to understand what he was thinking. I tried to convey my feelings to him. I cried. I tried to be strong. His gaze didn’t waiver. He was strong in his decision. He knew. He wanted me to know. I didn’t know. What was he telling me? He knew I couldn’t understand in that moment. But he gave me the gift yesterday of that last hour.

As I was walking the path to our house yesterday, I felt him. I felt his presence. Like he was right by me. I pictured him in that doorway. His look of determination to go that day. He was telling me he had accomplished all he could for this life. He was telling me that a dream is attainable if you believe in yourself. He wanted me to know he wanted to make it to his house in Italy. He wanted to do it. But he knew that would be the end of our time if he did make it. He gave all he could so that I could go on without him until we met again. His gaze of that day came up in front of me on that path. He was giving me that strength. That determination to be my best too. His gift was one of peace. He has it. He wants me to have it. To be in the now. To see the trees. To see the house! To live. To stop the inside voices saying I’m nothing. Unworthy. To stop guilt. Oh. Guilt. To him, he saw my heart. I saw his. Ours still beat together. Without all the pain.

His gift was one yesterday I had to fully take. I had to drop the grief to hold it. And I have. I believe every one of our dogs gives us a gift in the last moments. What we need to hear. Have you opened yours yet? Find it.

–Rachael

This blog is our way to give back. To make the world a better place for animals and people. To give others an example and permission to love our animals as individuals. To rescue and adopt. To help the earth in some way, each day. Please help us continue our mission in Brickle’s memory today here