This is Deputy Digby Pancake. I learn something new about myself pretty much every day. I learn that there are new foods..everyday, to be discovered. New foods to learn from. New foods to find. New foods to roll in that persons may not consider foods. And yesterday, I learned about yet another culinary delight. Pretzels. Oh, pretzels.
You see, camp was so crowded this weekend that no one even noticed my howling. No one even cared, because there were so many persons running around person howling and the such. I howled as loud as I could, but no one even looked towards this Big Blue Treat Wagon RV. Sheriff Brickle was super irritated at all of the commotion and his lack of leniency, for arresting little persons, was out of control. Guess no one taught these little persons the best way to talk to a dog, or pet a dog. And I guess they really did not realize the Sheriff’s attitude. It wasn’t a good combination like pepperoni, peanut butter and pancake pizza is.
Girl Person decided that the best plan of action for all of us after the millionth little person ran thru our campsite, was to keep the Sheriff indoors for a little while.
Now, I am a little different than the Sheriff. I find it quite interesting to talk to little persons. Why? Because there is always…always a chance that they are going to have food in their pockets, food in their mouths, food on themselves. And if they have it, I will find it.
So when two little girls on pretty pink bicycles rode up to me, I was ready. Ready with my appetite and ready with my begging eyes.
Baby, baby twist
Oh yeah, just like this
Come on little miss and do the twist
They asked Girl Person if they could pet me because I was really cute. Now, Sheriff Brickle was looking at me from inside, all mad about it and ready to arrest me. To say he was trying to arrest all of us was an understatement.
My daddy is sleepin’
And mama ain’t around
Yeah, daddy just sleepin’
And mama ain’t around
We’re gonna twisty twisty twisty
Till we tear the house down
Girl Person told them that yes, they could pet me gently. I was enjoying the moment, as I always do enjoy every moment. But.
Then I smelled it. Oh yes, a smell of twisty goodness called a pretzel.
Now, I am not sure who came up with this pretzel idea. But I say it is pretty genius. Crunchy and a little sweet. I am also not sure why these little girls on pretty pink bicycles were not willing to share with me as they so sneakily tried to hide their crinkly bag from me and salty fingers. I knew that in order to get these pretzels, I was going to have to be sneakily cute and sly and twist around to distract them.
They seemed to think that a dog named Digby Pancake should not share their pretzels. And then, one of the little persons told Girl Person that instead of my name being Digby Pancake…well…it should be Digby Pretzel. And that my friends gave me an idea. I could change my name for any occasion. As a Deputy, I should also be called a Detective, because I figured out a new plan.
Anytime I met someone new, and they had food like these little persons, I would change my last name to whatever the food was. Yes, yes, this was just genius! Almost as genius as whoever came up with the pretzel. You have pizza? Whatdayaknow? My last name is Pizza! You have pancakes? Duh. That’s my last name too. You have cookies? Digby Cookies is my name. Not Cookie. I need more than one. You have a salad with extra pickles? Sorry, that used to be my last name, Digby Salad With Extra Pickles, but I changed it last week to Pancake Pizza, so try and go buy some of that.
I can twist it up just like my pretzel loving little person friends. As they walked away, I looked at Girl Person who was feeling sorry for Sheriff Brickle inside. She decided that instead of sitting around, she would take us to the beach where we could get a little peace.
You see, I had plenty of energy after twisting the little persons around with my pretzel stealing antics. And since I am craving barbecue for dinner, well, they won’t be able to find me. Because now, my name is Digby Barbecue and not Pretzel. Even Sheriff Brickle’s arrest report is now invalid.
They don’t call me smart for nothin. Actually, no one calls me smart, but that’s ok. Because smart doesn’t pay the bills. Actually, who pays the bills? I don’t know the answer to everything, but I know I am hungry. And now, I will be signing off. Question is. How do I sign it? Do you have a menu, by chance?
That’s all now
Yeah, twist all night
(‘Round and ’round and ’round)
-Deputy Digby Pretzel Pancake Pizza Not Salad Barbecue