The Story Of The Wild Kites

This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle.  When I think that I have seen it all, well, I see more.  Kind of like when I think that I can’t get any more handsome, I get more handsome. Alas, I have said that before, but it rings even more true than yesterday and bears repeating.


Such is life.  You think that there is nothing more to surprise you, especially if you have been in one spot for a long time.  But as we were hiking yesterday and looking down, there were two man persons with giant binoculars looking up.  And in fact, they were blocking our way on the trail.


It is easy to get irritated right away at some persons.  I mean, here they were, all oblivious to the fact that we needed to get by and that Deputy Digby could pee on their giant binoculars at any moment.  They were oblivious to the fact that you must pull over for law enforcement like us.  They were also oblivious to the fact that we were even there.  And well.  That was obviously irritating to me.


But as shocking at this was, it did not prepare us for what we were about to see.  Girl Person interrupted their obliviousness and asked them what they were looking at.  What was so great up there?  They were real taken with whatever it was.  Was it a balloon?  Like a hot air balloon we saw in that New Mexico place?

Would you like to ride on my beautiful balloon?

Now, I may have never flown a kite or even wanted to.

But I did not know that there were kites, and then there were wild kites.  The obvious question that needed to be asked to the man persons with the giant binoculars was should we be afraid of these wild kites?  Did they need to be arrested, and should I be running when I throw the kite cuffs at them?  They were making crazy noises and I did not think that kites made noises.  They were eating other things, and I had never seen a kite eat nothin’.

Girl Person said that she had never heard of a wild kite even though she had lived in this Florida place for awhile.  She said that here they were, flying all around like they owned the place.  I saw them up there.  But then I wondered.  Who in the world was holding their strings? These wild kites?  Whoever it was must be a stalker.  A scary stalker to look down on everyone.  Or look up….it was the man persons with the giant binoculars!

Here these binocular monsters were pretending to be looking up, when in fact, they were looking down and watching us with their wild kites and blocking the trail.  They. Were. After. My. Handsome.


I know when someone is sweet talking me to get something.  And that is what they were doing.  Being all nice, and explaining about the wild kites, when they wanted to stalk my handsome.  And there is no binocular big enough for that, my friends.  Bird watchers are not equipped for handsome watchers when I am in town.  And Florida place?  I am in town.

The man persons with the binoculars asked Girl Person if she wanted to take a look.  And I was waiting for her answer.  I knew if she looked, up she would go, holding on to a kite string for all it was worth.

But Girl Person looked at me, and she knew how to answer.  I may be the Sheriff, all full of justice and stuff, but I am a protector too.  And I did not trust these man persons with giant binoculars in any sort of way.  So Girl Person kindly thanked them and said she was in a rush, and on we went.  As Deputy Digby peed on the giant binoculars on the way out.

You see, when my handsome is in danger from wild kites, it is time to move on.  A wild kite..the stalker kind will now be on my list.  The wild kites will be on watch.  And the wild kites.  Are.  Arrested.

So next time you look up and see something you may not have noticed before, I have a few recommendations.  First, make sure you are not being stalked..whether it is from a balloon, an alien spaceship, or a kite.  Or a wild kite.  Then, once you have ruled those things out, look at them again.  See them in a way you may not have before.  And think.  Are you looking at them, or are they looking at you? Maybe they have seen us walking by before.  But maybe today is the day that they want to watch you.  We are all on this earth together, and we are all important.  You play a part in how it goes round whether you know it or not.  Make what you are doing and how you are living worth watching.  You don’t need binoculars for that.

-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle

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