This is Deputy Digby Pancake. It has been said that I drive some people to drinkin’. At least that is what Granny Person used to say. It has also been said that the drink in their drinkin’ glass is a little stronger than maple syrup, when they drink that drink I drove them to. Seriously. I do know how to drive. But that’s not the point here. I’ll drive you to drinkin’ any which way I please. And I please.
Don’t you give me no dirty looks
Your father’s hip; he knows what cooks
Just tell your hoodlum friend outside
You ain’t got time to take a ride
But you may have noticed in our live videos…and in all of our videos pretty much lately that I am a bit, well, mouthy, as Gandma would say. Yes, it seems like everyone has something to say about this. Because I guess everyone hears me. You see, the older I get, the more I know what I want in life. And I am going to tell everyone about it.
I also know what I don’t want in life. I will tell you that too. I don’t want Sheriff Brickle to sleep in his bed after 9:03 a.m., because that is my turn to use it. So I howl, I pretend to see a stranger danger outside, and that makes him jump up and give up his bed…yep. Howling works. You would think that the Sheriff wouldn’t fall for this day after day after day. Oh, but he does. So I keep doing it. Day after day after day.
Also, for the last week, at exactly 4:44 p.m., I start howling if I ain’t eating. Yesterday, I was extra hungry. Boy Person kept asking me to please, please stop. He kept asking me to just wait while Girl Person made our dinner. My howling got Brickle all in a dither, and he started tearing up his bed, which made Girl Person try to go faster to make the commotion stop. But her fast moving antics made my howling antics seem more necessary until the Big Blue Treat Wagon RV was rocking away with unnecessary loudness. Yes. It was rocking. Our jacks still won’t come down in this thing. To the other campers trying to find peace in their camping activities, I am sure that they were not liking this. Which made me howl even louder. Oh, this was a show.
At this point, Girl Person took our dinner outside, I tried to get down the RV steps too fast, and I fell flat on my butt. Which is already a pancake butt, so there isn’t much there. But that didn’t stop me. Girl Person was upset, tried to make sure I was ok, but then figured I was when I ate my dinner in five seconds. As we walked down to the beach, I decided last night that every dog I would see, I would howl at. Every old man person outside with a hat on, I would howl at him. Every little girl person on a bike deserved a howl. And especially that woman person in the tent that popped out of nowhere with a pizza. I needed that. I am sorry you dropped it. Once you lick it, its yours. Just. Saying. Why is a pizza in. A. Tent.
You just put on your coat and hat
And walk yourself to the laundromat
And when you finish doin’ that
Bring in the dog and put out the cat
Yakety yak (don’t talk back)
But in my mind the whole time, all I could think of was our nightly “present time” after our walk. And at exactly 6:20 p.m., the howling started. Girl Person was trying to clean our muddy feet, Boy Person jogged up, and as he was trying to help her, I got more and more impatient. The howling got louder and louder. And let me tell you. That driven to drinkin’ thing was happening.
Girl Person was beside herself at this point. If you have never heard a rescue foxhound like me howl, you don’t know about howling. Just ask the other campers here and all the way to Alaska. As I went inside, Girl Person and Boy Person stood outside trying to talk, but they couldn’t even hear each other. Girl Person didn’t want us to be kicked out of here, so she ran inside, tried to get our bone, and I jumped up on the couch with one last howl as loud as I could muster. Girl Person gave us our bones, didn’t say a word, and went into the shower. She shut the door with a loud shutting type way, and as she stood in the shower wondering what her life was coming to, she closed her eyes with tears of stress from the last few days. And she looked up. There was a glass of wine coming thru the door from Boy Person. Mission. Accomplished. My drivin’ is pretty good.
I like this getting older thing. You know what you want when you want it. You don’t have a problem telling others what you want. And in the end, you know that you earned everything you asked for. When the persons finally realize that I am indeed yaking for a reason, maybe they will appreciate it. You see, they can’t even figure out what they want in life. A house..just some land…where they want to be. Maybe when they do, things will come easier. Digby always knows. Why doesn’t anyone around here listen to me? Maybe I should talk louder.
Yakety yak (don’t talk back)
Yakety yak, yakety yak
Today we are going to take a side trip into Georgia! Why not?! Will you join us? Look for updates on our Facebook page!
-Deputy Digby Pancake