The Imposters

This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle.  Oh, my job never ends.  It seems like no matter where I go, I always have some arresting to do and some crime to solve.  So when we arrived here in Savannah, Georgia, well, this was no different.


At first, I was too tired to pay attention to all of the sounds outside.  I was also too hot to go outside to check.  You see, it is about a billion degrees outside in the shade in this Savannah, Georgia place.  As soon as you walk outside, it’s like you have stepped onto the sun with a frying pan full of pancakes and butter.  But even that is not enough to entice Deputy Digby outside either.  So we let the noises go, even though they were loud as could be…we tried to ignore them.  But eventually, when it sounded like elephants had walked onto the roof, I had to go outside and check. And check indeed.  Gandpa always says “don’t write a check that your butt can’t cash.”  I don’t know what that means, but the squirrels here had wrote a check.  A big one.

Now, at first, I thought it was our squirrel friends from that Jacksonville campground place.  Had they hitched a ride in the Big Blue Treat Wagon? And then.  Not only were they here, but then, I thought my eyes were deceiving me.  Was that the Scarlet Pimpernel?  Could it be?

But as I looked at the mess and I heard them start to chatter, I knew.  They were trying to fool me.  These culprits were not in fact our old friends. They were imposters. I heard them talking…whispering…they had plans.

Imposters trying to steal all of the bird seed.  Which they did.  Imposters trying to eat our rug.  Which they did.  Imposters drinking all of the water in our bowl.  Which they did.  All of them.  Imposters.  But I could not be fooled.

You see, our old friends in Jacksonville would have never done such a thing.  The Scarlet Pimpernel liked to look at himself all day.  He had no time to knock over bird seed.  He knew we would serve it to him.  And our old squirrel friends in Jacksonville would have kindly had a party on top of the Big Blue Treat Wagon while doing gymnastics to reach the bird feeder.  They liked to do tricks for their treats.  These Savannah, Georgia squirrels just wanted to make a mess.  Everywhere.  And on top of that, they were trying to sweet talk us with chatter to make us think we knew them.  Well, imposters?  You are caught.  And it was time.  Time to put Colonel Jax on the job.


You see, our new brother from another mother was the perfect man for the job.  He doesn’t get too hot because his tongue is always outside his mouth panting.  So I put him outside to give out the remaining birdseed we had left.  You see, I have a heart.  I still want these imposers to have a full belly so that they leave my cookies alone.  But imposters?  Stop trying to be who you aren’t.

You see, we all are imposters in some sort of way.  Why?  None of us really have anything all figured out.  Even if we are a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher or a bird or a squirrel, none of us know everything about what we do.  We can act like we do, but we don’t.  The trick is to be who we are, admit when we make mistakes, like spilling bird seed everywhere, and be the best self we can be.  Then, if we recognize that we all have something to learn, no matter how smart we think we are, we will get better at being us.   Because being yourself is pretty great.  No one can do it better than you.

Now.  I don’t live here.  Where can we get some more bird seed?
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle

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