This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. If you have ever been cold…real cold…you know that it most certainly is a desperate situation. Us Florida place folks are not used to being cold. In fact, the persons pretty much wear flip flops any day of the year because they refuse to acknowledge that they are cold even when they are freezing. For us dogs, cold is not as hard to deal with as you persons without fur…but yep. Even me and the Deputy get a little chilly in this RV. And last night and the night before? Let me say this, and I know that you will let me say this, because I am the Sheriff. It was too dern cold y’all. The cold. Was. Arrested.
You’re as cold as ice
You’re willing to sacrifice our love
You never take advice
Someday you’ll pay the price, I know
You may wonder what is the big deal about the cold. Uh. Cold. Do I need to say more? I don’t, but I will. You see, the camping spot we are at didn’t have enough electricity voltage or something for the size of our RV. I know, I know. You are also wondering why there isn’t a new power source based solely on my handsome factor to light up the world. And I wonder this too. Everyone does.
But there was no time for wondering in this cold. We needed a plan. Because when you are living in your house on wheels, stuff freezes like water tanks and the such. And we weren’t prepared for this nonsense. I mean seriously. Weren’t we in the Arizona desert? The flip flops were still by the door, the rain started, then the freezing rain, and the ice, and we knew we were in trouble. What else was causing this trouble? You see, Boy Person had neglected to get enough propane for such weather in his flip flops. And here we were. In a campsite with not enough electricity to warm us up and not enough propane to last. And Girl Person? Let me just say that her skinny butt had already been crying in the cold, campground shower. And she had had it. Whatever it was. It was had. Real had.
So Boy Person came up with a plan. I am all for plans and agendas as a Sheriff. But when I saw him pulling out a broken little heater, I wondered, was he a heater fixer? He was wasting precious time with Girl Person’s patience. And then…as he took it apart, he found the problem. Dirt, dog hair and dog hair on dirt. And as he finally got it fixed, exclaiming that his plan was working so far…I sat back and waited. And Girl Person’s look?
You’re as cold as ice
(Cold as ice)
Cold as ice I know
(You’re as cold as ice)
Then, he proceeded to ask Girl Person if she needed to cook us up any jerky dog treats or anything. Girl Person looked at him and said how would she have time for that? Oh, sometimes I prefer not to ask her any questions when she is as cold as ice. And Boy Person said that maybe me and Deputy Digby wanted some jerky treats…didn’t she have a dehydrator? Oh, I remembered the dehydrator. And Girl Person’s look?
You know that you are
(Cold, cold) (as, as) (ice)
Girl Person told Boy Person that we had more pressing issues than dog treats. Deputy Digby disagreed. And then Girl Person told him that if he wanted to make dog treats so bad, he could find the dehydrator and watch her video. She was NOT in the mood.
As Boy Person sometimes does, he just keeps on doing what he is doing despite the looks. He found the dehyrator, but then realized that yep. He had also forgot to go to the store. But now, it was getting late and it was getting colder. He didn’t seem too upset by this. He told Girl Person that tonight, we were all gonna sleep together on the couch and the other couch, and we were going to enjoy the warmth of the plan. Girl Person’s look?
You’re digging for gold
Yet throwing away
A fortune in feelings
But someday you’ll pay
Boy Person just told her to wait and see how warm we were all gonna be. We settled in as Boy Person got out the little heater, and a desperate dehydrator in the desert. He turned it on and Girl Person said yep. Good plan. Now, are we going to catch on fire?
Boy Person had not figured out this part of the plan. Now instead of jerky..he felt like a jerk.
Boy Person said that although he had not thought all of this plan through, he had an answer. He would set his alarm for every hour to make sure we weren’t on fire. Girl Person?
Cold. As. Ice. And. Boy. Person. Was. Arrested.
Let’s just say that we all didn’t get much sleep. But I tell you what else, we were warm and tired this morning. And Boy Person? He said desperate times in the desert sometimes call for dehydrators. And I say we are not meant for the cold. Florida place? You are calling our names! Now, let’s see if we can all get there in one piece without frostbite.
Stay tuned for a special edition dog blog tomorrow! Let’s just say Digby thinks that he can drive.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle
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