This is Deputy Digby Pancake. Sometimes, you hear things that just shock ya. Like when your plate of pancakes gets low, and or diminished. Or when your pancakes aren’t hot enough and the butter doesn’t melt just right and then you get a slab of hard butter in your mouth. Or like when you hear Sheriff Brickle didn’t look at himself 500 times in the mirror one day but 499 times. Or like when you hear that Girl Person left us with Boy Person for four. Whole. Hours. She left us y’all. To get her hair done in Alabama before going to that Florida place. Again, she left us. Y’all.
I know, this is shocking in itself and it pains me to even relive it. Actually, I am just kidding because I slept the whole time. Sheriff Brickle? Not so much. He worries so much that it makes him sick to his stomach and then looks at Boy Person like who are you? Where is Girl Person? I am the go with the flow and or flow on every thing around. But four whole hours with Boy Person trying to give us snacks, walk us and watch over us was enough to throw us for a loop. You see, it has been 8 whole months since we left on this Adventure Of A Lifetime. And Girl Person doesn’t really have time to do much else than take care of us, the rescues we visit, and a lot of computer work. So there has been no time for hair. No time to get new shoes even though she wore holes in them. And so yesterday, she decided it was time. To go to a person groomer. Now, I don’t understand why anyone would want to go to a groomer. So I thought that maybe I could help out and have Girl Person rethink her decision. You know, buy her some time to really think this through.
So on our walk, I thought to myself. Self? How could I have some fun while making Girl Person think about the fact that she is going to a groomer and leaving us? I know! There is a pile of dead frogs. And alligator poop. And I can roll in that. In the rain. Sounds good. Done. Done.
Girl Person screamed, picked me up and looked at the situation. Dead frogs with dead frog juice apparently not so attractive to a person. It was raining, but there was sand. So she thought to herself. Self. Sand is an exfoliant. What better way to soak up dead frog juice than with sand? She picked up a bunch of sand, rubbed it all over me and now I had sand on me and frog juice in the rain. And Sheriff Brickle? Well, he said I. Was. Arrested.
Now, my plan was working out. Even better than I planned, actually. As we got back to the RV, Girl Person knew it was too cold to bathe me outside. And the shower is broke. And so she took had a plan to wipe me with baby wipes. Her hands were holding our leashes, so she had to take off her gloves so she didn’t get them dirty. Being all in a hurry so as not to be late to the person groomer, she took off her gloves…by biting them. With her mouth. With frog juice on the gloves. With sand on the gloves. And my friends, if you have ever taken a bite of frog juice and sand, you know it is not an Alabama Slammer. By any means. But Girl Person needed one after that.
Boy Person ran outside to Girl Person throwing up, me covered in sand, and Sheriff Brickle writing his arrest report. But a Deputy has to do what a Deputy has to do. And did she leave us? You bet she did. And she was gone. A long time.
Good news is, we are ready to leave to that Florida place today! Are you coming? Don’t sit by me in here. I kinda stink. Good bye Sweet Stink Alabama! Till next time!
-Deputy Digby Pancake
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