It is finally approaching! The day that I get to see my Nate again. Although we have been married (gasp) over 29 years, I feel like it was just yesterday when we met. And this past week has been really long and stressful without him. It is hard for me to admit that because I am very independent, and it is hard for me to show emotion. Yes, I am admitting that I missed him more than I thought that I would. And the dogs? They have been lost without him. Truly.
The last week, we have went from anticipation on seeing the house, to being disappointed and worried about the path to the house and all the inbetweens. There has been more paperwork, frustration and problems than anticipated as well. And at the end of this week, where are we? Well, we are ready to talk to each other in person and make one of the biggest decisions I ? feel that we will ever make. Do we buy the little house in Italy? Do we move to Italy? If we don’t, what in the world WILL we do? There is no plan B.
I know that most people have a plan B, or a plan Z. But when all of your energy and focus has been on something you dream of, why sabotage yourself? At least that is how it was with me. I have problems with confidence, with focusing and with depression. The only thing I seem to be good at is not making a decision. And we have been drifting for years now, paralyzed with what if’s and being afraid. I feel like we didn’t find a home in the USA because we truly had our heart set on Italy. And if I am being honest with myself, I know that I need to do this. I know that I have to do this. Even if I turn right back around.
I know however that my first and most important responsibility is to my dogs. We held off this trip a few years ago because we simply knew that Digby would not make the trip. And we made the right decision. Because he would not have with his health.
I also know that I feel confident in Brickle and Fruitycake’s health to make the trip. But that will change fast with Brickle. If we do not go now, we do not know what a few months will bring. And that is ok if that is what has to happen. But we will try to make this decision fast so that is an option to get him to his castle.
None of us know what tomorrow brings. And I don’t even know how our conversations will go tomorrow and the next few days when we can talk in person. We will weigh all of the options and make the decision we feel from our hearts, but also with our dogs in mind. We want Brickle to enjoy life! To live! To have new experiences! But in a safe way.