It is finally approaching! The day that I get to see my Nate again. Although we have been married (gasp) over 29 years, I feel like it was just yesterday when we met. And this past week has been really long and stressful without him. It is hard for me to admit that because I am very independent, and it is hard for me to show emotion. Yes, I am admitting that I missed him more than I thought that I would. And the dogs? They have been lost without him. Truly.
The last week, we have went from anticipation on seeing the house, to being disappointed and worried about the path to the house and all the inbetweens. There has been more paperwork, frustration and problems than anticipated as well. And at the end of this week, where are we? Well, we are ready to talk to each other in person and make one of the biggest decisions I ? feel that we will ever make. Do we buy the little house in Italy? Do we move to Italy? If we don’t, what in the world WILL we do? There is no plan B.
I know that most people have a plan B, or a plan Z. But when all of your energy and focus has been on something you dream of, why sabotage yourself? At least that is how it was with me. I have problems with confidence, with focusing and with depression. The only thing I seem to be good at is not making a decision. And we have been drifting for years now, paralyzed with what if’s and being afraid. I feel like we didn’t find a home in the USA because we truly had our heart set on Italy. And if I am being honest with myself, I know that I need to do this. I know that I have to do this. Even if I turn right back around.
I know however that my first and most important responsibility is to my dogs. We held off this trip a few years ago because we simply knew that Digby would not make the trip. And we made the right decision. Because he would not have with his health.
I also know that I feel confident in Brickle and Fruitycake’s health to make the trip. But that will change fast with Brickle. If we do not go now, we do not know what a few months will bring. And that is ok if that is what has to happen. But we will try to make this decision fast so that is an option to get him to his castle.
None of us know what tomorrow brings. And I don’t even know how our conversations will go tomorrow and the next few days when we can talk in person. We will weigh all of the options and make the decision we feel from our hearts, but also with our dogs in mind. We want Brickle to enjoy life! To live! To have new experiences! But in a safe way.
Stay tuned…
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I am hoping you have a plan B. So worried for Brickle making this long journey across the ocean and then that path up to the house that will cost you a fortune to fix and you will not have much time for your boys while you are trying to make it livable. It is just a lot!! You can always follow your dream later when it is just you and Nathan. Just my feeble opinion and I hope I have not offended you. Just terribly worried about all of it! I love you all!
I’ve been watching from afar and am so impressed by not only your passion, writing and dedication to Fruitycake & Digby but your absolute consciousness and thoughtful deliberateness. As I approach 70, traveling in my van half-time and allowing my self to enjoy my grandchildren, gardens and community “back home” I know how hard decisions are. Do I sacrifice not being present for a birthday to experience somewhere/something very magical? What’s the ethical thing to do? In fact, last year I put off a long-planned trip through Mexico as my senior companion who rescued me years ago was diagnosed with liver cancer and while he probably could have made the trip, I decided to stay put and engage in all the happy activities (dog parks, day trips and familiar hiking trails) we had come to love over the years. Was it the right decision? Did it bring him comfort? I hope so. Good luck with your struggles to decide. The only thing we leave behind is our acts of kindness or cruelty that affect others and the only thing we get to keep are our experiences. May you and your family choose what will be best for all.