This is Deputy Digby Pancake. Oh, what a tangled web I weave. I have no idea what that means. I also have no idea who Duffy is, but I know what thrown up cat poop is. I know it quite well. Let me introduce you. Perhaps, you need no introductions. Boy Person sure wishes he would not have meet the cat poop. Or Duffy.
Sometimes, Girl Person has to go to the store to get us food and presents. She always explains this quite nicely, but truth be told, we don’t like it. Sheriff Brickle doesn’t like staring out the RV window for an hour. I don’t like waiting for my new treats. And Boy Person? Well, he pretends he doesn’t miss her. She doesn’t go often, but when she does, she says it is her short time away, and we don’t like that either. So before she left for the store, she took us for a walk, and I found all kinds of stuff. I thought that since she was going to be gone an hour, that I should probably eat enough to hold me over.
So as we were walking, I found treasures, all kinds of treasures! Dead bugs, old chicken bones and yep. Cat poop. Before she knew what was happening, I gulped down a big ol’ chunk of it, about half the size of my big ol’ chunky butt. Did it taste good? I have no idea. Because I just swallowed it whole. I hear a lot of people like to dive for abalone around here. I dive for cat poop. The biggest cat poop.
They say that bears store food for the winter. It is not winter here, but it sure feels like it.
And I don’t know why, but cold weather makes me hungry. As does hot weather. But the cold even hungrier. So I thought about how hungry I was, and I found some more cat poop. And Sheriff Brickle? He said I was about to be arrested, but then I smelled his breath. Sheriff? Cat poop?
So as Girl Person was telling us we were gross, she told us that she needed to get out for awhile. She brushed our teeth, grabbed that purse thing she has, her jacket full of dog bags hanging out and off she went. Well, she was gone for about 15 minutes and all of a sudden, I felt it. You know, that pang of guilt when you eat cat poop? No, not that. I was sick, and it hit me like a ton of cat poop in an inappropriate way.Boy Person can sure move fast when he wants to, I will tell you that. He grabbed a towel and tried to catch the cat poop, but I did not feel like throwing up on the towel, so I tried to get away. Then, all of a sudden, if you have never seen flying cat poop, you are missing a show. It flew across the room in whole form as I swallowed it, along with many other treasures from the morning walk. Sheriff Brickle tried to scramble up to the driver’s seat of the RV, hoping he could take off, but nope, no one was going anywhere. And…where was Girl Person?
As Boy Person started gagging, he stood there in silence. What was he to do with this situation? That is when Girl Person got the text at the store.
Duffy? Who is this character I wondered that threw up nasty? Girl Person didn’t know either. As she drove home, very slowly with many bottles of cleaners, she wondered if she should in fact even go home to this situation. As she walked in, she saw everyone’s faces. Boy Person stood there shaking his head but then everyone started laughing. Girl Person told him to stop blaming Digby for something Duffy did. Or Diffie. Exactly!
When I meet this Duffy or Diffie character, I am going to give him a piece of my mind. Some persons I heard can’t hold their liquor. Well, Duffy can’t hold his cat poop. And he is ruining my chances of diving on future walks.
In other news, Girl Person says that it might be awhile before she can trust it to leave us all again. Maybe if she talks to Duffy, she clear it with him first. Or get a ride home from the store from Joe Diffie. I will handle the introductions.
-Deputy Digby Pancake (not Duffy or Diffie)
One question. Is your dog shampoo organic? Why not?