This is Deputy Digby Pancake. I have a job. I do it well. I do it very well. I am there to serve as backup to the law aka Sheriff Brickle. And when I do the alerting because he is too busy looking at himself, that is a job well done.
Last night, we went out for our nightly pee break. First of all…question. Does it make sense to you that you make us dogs go out and use the bathroom on command? What if we told you, hey person, go to the bathroom. Go right now. Whether you have to or not. It makes no sense whatsoever. And sometimes, I don’t need to go or I want to reserve my supply for the neighborhood mail boxes and or car tires.
So anyway! We were outside and I didn’t have to go and I wasn’t gonna go. Secret! News flash! Brickle pretends to go even when he isn’t doing nothing! I smell an arrest report brewing for myself now. But as I was saying, we were outside and I smelled it. A criminal had been in our yard. He wasn’t there currently. He had made a run for it. Up the tree. Well, another news flash! I’m a hound dog. I can smell you..by the way!
So I howled and howled and told them they were going to be under arrest by the Sheriff because I can’t arrest as a Deputy. They ignored me, but I knew they were up there. On top of the house! These were slick criminals. But they did not allude me. Girl Person told me to stop howling, to plllleeease go to the bathroom so we could go inside and please again. Nope. Howl some more to assert my authority. Finally, Sheriff Brickle had enough and I got tired and I wanted a snack. So I pretended to pee to save it for the morning. And all was well. But never try to trick a Deputy I tell you. And get off the house. Or else. I don’t know…
-Deputy Digby Pancake