This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle and I have a warning. Most of this is directed at Girl Person namely. Stop it with the pictures. Stop it with the stalking. Stop it with the pupparazi.
I get up, picture. I go to sleep, picture. Eat, picture. Poop, picture. Blink, picture. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously.
How many pictures can you have of me? I know that each one is different and unique in its own way. Yeah, like a fingerprint. I know I am special, I know I am gorgeous, I know I am interesting. I am the most interesting dog in the world, that goes without saying. But my point is this. I now charge for my pictures. They are not free. And you better pay up pupparazi. I didn’t get these good looks to waste them. I need the cookies. The peanut butter cookies. And it’s time to pay up.
As one of my employees, Deputy Digby Pancake is now requesting payment as well. Pancakes are the name of his game. And we know that you can pay up, you just don’t. You post our pictures for the world to see and what do we get? Admiration? Kisses? Oohhs and ahhhs? Ok, that is nice, but it’s a new year. A new ballgame and we are requiring the pancakes and cookies to be thrown.
So the next time that camera thing or your phone is in my face or on my bum or stalking me in my sleep, your next move better be to the kitchen. Or…you. Are. Arrested.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle