This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. Listen, I know I have something on my mouth in this picture. I don’t need you to tell me this. Seriously. Do you think I don’t have a mirror on me at all times? Really. Being this handsome is a lot of work.
I am here, talking to you on this Friday to let you know that I have a job for you this weekend. I don’t want to hear your excuses that you cannot do what I am about to tell you. What am I requiring of you, my fans, this weekend? For you to take it easy!
You had a hard week. You made my week hard too trying to police you all the time. I saw what you did on Monday and even on Wednesday. It wasn’t appropriate in the least bit. But since you recognize this fact, and you worked hard, even at being bad, I am telling you that this weekend I want you to take it easy. Or…you know.
What does taking it easy mean? First, I want you to sleep in. Then I want you to get outside and walk your dog somewhere new. Get in the car and go there. Look on your phone thing and find a new place and go. If you don’t have a dog, it’s no excuse. Although I am confused about that. If you don’t have a dog, I want YOU to walk somewhere new. Pack a lunch and go. Girl Person says don’t forget the wine. One track mind.
Then after you are done with that, come home and take another nap. Have a good dinner, I wouldn’t be opposed to you having pancakes and cookies, and then read a book to yourself or your dog, and think back on how great your day was.
Sometimes, you have to be forced to take it easy. I know we all have a lot to do. But today will never be here again. You won’t remember later in life that time you mowed the lawn or shoveled snow or cleaned the house. You will remember that day you took it easy with a hike and food and fun. So…do it. Or else, you. Are. Arrested.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle