Don’t Make Me Come Out There

This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. Some days everything goes right. Your eggies are cooked to perfection and served to you on crackers. Ok. That’s every day. Some days, the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing, and you know life isn’t so tough.

But then some days, you’re reminded that nothing can keep going as smooth as peanut butter forever. And you hear it, that thought of impending imperfection, gnawing away at your soul. And also gnawing away at your RV awning.

I’ve never met a squirrel that didn’t know the power of squirrelness it had. The ability to climb up trees, fall from trees, and get right back up are skills surely to be envied. Squirrels are relentless, determined and almost as smart as I am. They also choose things to get involved in that should be the basis for an after school special. Don’t their squirrel parents teach them better?

Why do they have to steal all the food…everywhere? Why do they jump on the RV roof day and night for fun?

Why do they make loud noises and tell us off from their favorite branch in the tree? I don’t know. I don’t know. But choosing to eat our RV awning for no reason? Well, that my friend is an arrestable offense. Especially when I’m trying to eat my eggies in peace. With crackers.

Every morning, a squirrel named Nuts in site 165 decides his mission and only mission for the day… eating the awning.

At first, we tried to ignore it. But the truth is, we need that awning. And the other truth is, Nuts isn’t nice about it. He stares in the window. He makes his noises. And he tries to act tough and shows off old battle wounds on his ear. Seriously. The ear. He means business. And so does Boy Person.

It’s hard to concentrate on my eggs and crackers with Boy Person knocking on the window at Nuts. It’s hard to concentrate on my breakfast with Boy Person saying every five minutes, “don’t make me come out there.” Because we know what will happen. Boy Person will bring out some more food for the birds and Nuts will get more nuts and seeds to make him forget about the awning. And he usually does. For five minutes. Until he gets hungry again.

Boy Person knows his game. But he continues to play it. Because there is no choice.

Nuts thinks he has the right to chew our awning. And I suppose he does. But none of us own any part of this earth, even if a piece of paper says you do. Which Nuts would eat anyways. We are all supposed to share the earth. Even a campsite. But as Sheriff, disturbing the peace…and my breakfast is grounds for an arrest. So Nuts? You. Are. Arrested. Even if I like your name.

You see, Nuts needs to realize that even though we have a “right” to do something, that doesn’t always mean it’s the right thing to do. Being nice and courteous means respect for others. Although we are in Nuts’ backyard, we also have the right to park here. And we all can make it work in harmony. I am sure Nuts means no harm except to the awning. But perhaps, an arrest will make him think a little more about his actions. Or maybe he will just tire of Boy Person’s incessant nagging to stop. I am. Nuts? Don’t make me come out there.

Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle

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The Imposter

This is Deputy Digby Pancake.  Some days you wake up and think that you are safe.  Some days, you don’t worry about what is out to get you or who.  You just want to have a good day and you are.  Until you go around the corner and see it.  The imposter.

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Now, I am not one for being scared unless there is a storm.  Or loud noise. Or car door shutting.  Or a crab.  Or a boardwalk, a boat, or a metal grate to go across.  Or a rabid cat.  Or when the clock hits 5:01 and my dinner still isn’t served.  So yeah, generally, I am not one for being scared.  But sometimes, things pop up that scare you out of nowhere.  And they are quiet about it.  They are softly singing a tune of out to get yaness.

There is only one Big Blue Treat Wagon RV I was told.  One that went across the country more times that we know of.  One that brought us to all of those rescues and shelters.  One that broke down in a Wal-mart parking lot in Comstock, Texas.

One that tried to quit on the Blue Ridge Parkway in the middle of a hurricane evacuation.  One that transported a mouse or two across state lines.  Just one Big Blue Treat Wagon RV.

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There is only one Big Blue Treat Wagon RV that has to have its slide outs put in every time it rains.

One that has a rotted roof near the kitchen. One that blows dust on everyone within a ten mile radius when moving.  Just one. You’ve never seen scared before until you watch people as we enter into a campground scrambling for their lungs’ lives.

But then, there.  There it was.  We went for our morning drive and we saw it.  The imposter.  The imposter of all imposters.  It looked like the Big Blue Treat Wagon except cleaner.  It looked like the Big Blue Treat Wagon except its slide outs were…out.  It looked like the Big Blue Treat Wagon except it’s curtain wasn’t torn, the window shades weren’t fallen down, and it looked like the Big Blue Treat Wagon except we weren’t in it.  I could only imagine how clean it was inside too without all the dog hair and broken dreams.

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Girl Person started laughing at the imposter and said that she was surprised to see another one exactly like it.  She said she hoped that they didn’t see ours and the shape it was in.  That would be quite embarrassing.  But I didn’t understand that. At all.

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Sure, this imposter looked good.  Great, in fact.  Sure, it looked almost brand new!  But I wondered.  If our Big Blue Treat Wagon and the imposter had a race, who would win?  I knew that would be dependent on what they were racing to.  To a destination or to parking lot? I know the Big Blue Treat Wagon and I know it only goes when and where it wants to. Kind of like us. And for now, this is where we want to be. So our Big Blue Treat Wagon isn’t going anywhere.  Probably because the jacks won’t come up. Well, one might to tip us over.

Isn’t it easy to compare ourselves to others? But no one knows the mileage we have on us.  No one knows where we have been or where we have broke down. Unless you saw us on the side of the road in more than 20 states. But we never gave up on Big Blue for another.

The imposter may be clean and beautiful and I know its family loves it.  But the Big Blue Treat Wagon is our family too.  It has kept us safe thru many adventures and has been our home.  One day, we may have to part.  But no tomorrow is guaranteed with the ones we love.  Appreciate the ones in your life that love you. Don’t compare them to others, or think that the grass is greener on the other side.  Remember your history and the love that you share. There will be breakdowns. Bumps in the road.  Jacks that don’t come up. Leaks and air conditoning mishaps.

There will be times you run out of gas.  But don’t give up. Just like you wouldn’t want someone to give up on you.  Ignore the imposters and carry on.

-Deputy Digby Pancake

It’s the last day to get our shirt! Don’t miss out!

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