This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. I wasn’t born in the 1980’s. No, I wasn’t. But I have heard of that rapper guy Vanilla Ice. And he was very smart. I heard him on the way to our hiking place today. “Stop. Collaborate and listen.” “Ice, ice, baby”. How did he know it was so very cold in this Florida place today? It really is. It is so cold that it is colder than my icy stares. And I decided that since Vanilla Ice knew it was so cold, he also must be telling me to keep alert on the trails. And so I did.
Some days, the Sheriff really comes out in me. I thought that I heard criminals every where on the trail. Criminal deer in the bushes. Criminal gopher turtles in the ground. Criminal snakes in the grass. Criminal Digbys peeing on my head. Yes, he did that. And it felt like ice, ice baby.
Stop. Collaborate and listen. But seriously, I did hear stuff. I heard lots of stuff and I would not walk. I decided that I was sketched out about something and it was not appropriate to keep going. I also knew that there were peanut butter cookies back in the car. So I kept pulling Girl Person back the opposite way. After I had done this about ten times, Girl Person finally started to listen to me. She asked me if there really was something wrong. She asked me if we really had to go. I told her yes. She said that she was cold, cold baby. She said Digby had stepped in sandspurs and wasn’t feeling good. And she told me that maybe it was time to head out early, get some cookies, maybe some hashbrowns, (I didn’t ask for that) and head home. She decided to play Vanilla Ice and that reminded Digby that he wanted some vanilla ice cream to feel better.
So we blasted some “Ice, ice baby” back in the warm Jeep and headed to have a picnic with our cookies and ice cream and hashbrowns. Sometimes, being a Sheriff is hard work. Sometimes, you have to warn the persons that there is danger in the bushes and or you are just scared of something. Either way, if it was a bear, you can thank me that I saved our lives. If it was a turtle, well, at least we had a picnic. Win, win I say. Always listen to the Sheriff.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle