Chop Wood Or Pack Bags? Asking For A Woodpecker

Before We Start…

This is Fruitycake. Before we head outside to stare at a pile of wood and somehow turn it into a discussion about the meaning of life, I need to remind you that the full weekday blog and my audio blog are on Patreon. For $5 a month, you help us keep 2 Traveling Dogs going, continue sharing real rescue animals through This Is…Me and keep telling these stories while we figure out where our own story goes next. If you have been meaning to join, please make today the day. We truly need more people beside us right now, and you get the full blogs, the audio version read by Girl Person and me, recipes, extras and everything else we are building there.

Patreon: www.patreon.com/2travelingdogsrescue

Now. We need to discuss wood.

This is Fruitycake. It is Monday, and apparently Monday would like a decision. I do not know why Monday thinks we are qualified to make one. We have spent the last few weeks staring at phones, staring at emails, staring at this rustico and occasionally staring at each other as if one of us secretly knows what is going to happen next. For the record, I know many things. I know when pizza is being discussed even if nobody says the word pizza. I know which trail leads home. I know when someone opens the refrigerator from an unreasonable distance. But I do not know if we are going to be living at this rustico when winter gets here.

And winter does not care that we are waiting on a rustico sale. That is the problem. The temperature could drop quickly, and cold up here on the mountain is very different when you cannot simply drive to the front door with whatever you suddenly discover you need. Every bag of pellets, every grocery bag and every supply has to make the journey up here too. If we wait too long to chop the wood and the rain really settles in, that wood could be wet when we suddenly need it. Then instead of burning the wood already here, we could find ourselves buying bags of pellets and carrying them all the way up the mountain just to keep warm. Suddenly “let’s wait and see” does not sound quite as relaxing.

The rain coming makes the decision harder. Do we start chopping now, while we can, and prepare as though we are staying? Or do we trust that this sale is going to happen and spend our time figuring out what comes next? There are places to research, numbers to work out, things to sort through and a completely different life to imagine. We want to put our energy into the future instead of preparing this rustico for another winter, but we have discovered an unfortunate fact: hope does not make very good firewood.

There is also someone watching this entire decision, and frankly, I think he is losing patience with us.

A woodpecker has been hanging around the trees near the rustico. I have noticed him watching Girl Person look at the wood, watching Boy Person look at the weather and presumably wondering how two humans have managed to turn chopping firewood into an existential crisis. Woodpeckers live here in Liguria, and ours appears to have arrived at exactly the right moment to witness an emergency meeting of the Under The Crow Rustico Winter Preparedness Committee.

I have been observing him observing us, and I am fairly certain he is preparing to apply for the job if Boy Person does not start chopping soon. His résumé is impressive. Previous experience with wood: extensive. Owns his own equipment: yes. Willing to work outside in questionable weather: apparently. Comfortable on steep terrain: embarrassingly so. Requires someone else to carry his tools up the mountain: no. Most impressively, he appears capable of beginning a wood-related task without first discussing the Italian real estate market for forty-five minutes.

We have not formally discussed compensation, but I believe his expected payment package will include insects, larvae and access to approved dead or decaying wood where he can forage. Depending on how difficult negotiations become, he may demand a few nuts or seeds as a signing bonus. I am willing to approve this arrangement provided the contract specifically states that pizza is excluded from all compensation discussions. There are limits to generosity.

Every time we hear tapping from the woods now, I imagine him saying, “Have you decided yet?”

No, Woodpecker. We have not. That is literally the problem.

Because this is what uncertainty actually looks like sometimes. It is not standing dramatically at a crossroads while inspirational music plays. Sometimes it is looking at a weather forecast and then looking at a pile of wood. It is wondering whether chopping that wood means you have accepted another winter here, while not chopping it could mean being cold a few weeks from now. It is desperately wanting to plan your next chapter while knowing you still have responsibilities to the chapter you are standing in.

Which brings us to today’s affirmation for October 5:

My Curiosity Can Be Bigger Than My Fear

TODAY’S AFFIRMATION

I will let curiosity ask one question before fear writes the whole story. I can be cautious without assuming that every unknown thing is dangerous. Today I will investigate life gently.

Girl Person needed this one today because fear is very good at writing stories when it does not have all the facts. What if the sale does not happen? What if winter comes early? What if the wood gets wet? What if we have to carry pellets up the mountain again? What if we cannot figure out where to go? What if leaving is harder than staying? What if staying becomes harder than leaving? Give fear five minutes with an unanswered question and it will write a seven-volume series, produce the movie and start casting before lunch.

Curiosity asks different questions. What if the sale does go through? What if there is somewhere we have not considered yet that would be right for us? What if changing where we live gives us more time and strength for the rescue work we want to do? What if the next chapter does not look anything like the one we are imagining right now? What if something good is waiting on the other side of an answer we are currently afraid to receive?

Maybe the woodpecker understands today’s affirmation better than we do. He is not sitting on a branch worrying about February. He is investigating the tree in front of him. Tap, tap, tap. Is there something here? No? Move over a little. Tap again. He is curious, but he is also cautious. He does not need to know what every tree on this mountain will hold for the rest of his life before investigating this one.

Maybe we do not either.

Curiosity does not mean pretending there is nothing to worry about. We can be cautious. We can look at the forecast, chop some wood, get it somewhere dry and make sure we have a way to stay warm. We can prepare without allowing preparation to convince us that the future has already been decided. Maybe that is what “investigate life gently” means for us today. We can prepare for winter without deciding we are staying for another one, and we can research what comes next without pretending the sale is already complete.

If someone told us today that the sale was not going through, we would know what to do. We would start chopping. We would protect the wood. We would prepare for the cold and figure out how many pellets and supplies we needed before the weather made getting them up here even harder. If someone told us everything was definitely moving forward, we could put our energy into planning what comes next. But nobody can give us either answer yet, and meanwhile the clouds are gathering and October is moving right along without asking permission.

Maybe that is why we are nervous. It is not only about selling a house. It is about not knowing which life we are supposed to be preparing for. One life requires chopped wood, pellets and another winter on this mountain. The other requires plans, decisions, packing and the courage to leave a place that has become part of our story. Both require energy, and lately it does not feel as if we have enough energy to prepare completely for both.

Dogs are probably better at uncertainty because we do not spend much time pretending we can control next month. I know what is happening right now. Girl Person is here. Boy Person is here. The rustico is still here. The wood is still waiting. The rain is coming. Somewhere above me, an increasingly impatient woodpecker is waiting to hear whether his application has been approved. And whatever happens with the sale, today still needs to be lived.

So perhaps we chop some of the wood. Not because we have decided we are staying, but because being prepared is not the same thing as giving up hope. Maybe we stack enough somewhere dry so that if the temperature suddenly drops, we can make a fire without wondering how many bags of pellets Boy Person can carry up a wet mountain. Then we spend the rest of our energy being curious about the future we still hope is coming.

Or we hire the woodpecker.

Negotiations remain ongoing.

Maybe this is what you do when life refuses to give you an answer. You prepare enough for the possibility you do not want while continuing to explore the possibility you do. You chop some wood and make some plans. You watch the rain and still look beyond it. You admit that you are nervous without allowing nervousness to write the ending.

Fear can ask, “What if everything goes wrong?”

But curiosity gets to ask one question too.

What if it doesn’t?

This is Fruitycake. Still waiting, still hoping, watching the clouds, inspecting the woodpile and trying to be more curious than afraid. And if you happen to see a woodpecker outside the rustico wearing a tiny tool belt and carrying a résumé, please send him to Boy Person. The benefits package is terrible, the commute is entirely uphill and payment will be made primarily in bugs.

Apparently he is still interested.

Fruitycake

P.S. From Fruitycake

Monday really needs to be grocery day if we can make it happen. With rain coming, we are trying to get groceries and necessities before the weather makes everything harder. Nothing simply arrives at our front door here. It has to be bought, brought to the mountain and then carried up the trail to the rustico, so beating the rain matters. Support has been extremely low, and if you can help us get groceries and the things we need on Monday, we would be very grateful. Your support also allows us to keep 2 Traveling Dogs going, tell the stories of real rescue animals and continue building This Is…Me while we wait for answers about what happens to us next.

Necessities: www.tinyurl.com/2tdnecessities

Patreon — join us for $5 a month: www.patreon.com/2travelingdogsrescue

And if there is anything left in the grocery budget after the responsible items have been purchased, I would like management to remember that pizza is technically an all-weather emergency provision.

Thank you for continuing to walk beside us while we figure this out.

Love,

Fruitycake