I May Have Barked Away Our Buyer

This is Fruitycake. I have a confession to make.

I might have accidentally scared away the people who were coming to buy our rustico.

Now, before you blame me, I think you should hear my side of the story.

First of all, this heat monster is still refusing to leave Italy. Every afternoon it feels like someone turned the whole mountain into the inside of a pizza oven. Even the lizards look like they’re considering moving somewhere cooler.

So Girl Person said, “Let’s just take a short afternoon walk.”

That sounded reasonable to me. A short walk still counts as a walk. And every walk is another opportunity for me to perform my official duties as Officer of the Mountain.

My job description is simple.

Sniff everything.

Watch everybody.

Protect the persons.

Investigate suspicious leaves.

And arrest anyone who behaves strangely.

Also. Always . Cinghiale.

So there we were, slowly making our way down the mountain. Girl Person and Boy Person were talking about fans, groceries, the rustico, and all those boring person things they discuss while I was busy making sure the mountain remained crime-free.

Then…

Something caught my eye.

There were people coming up the path.

They weren’t just walking.

They were carrying something.

Something very familiar.

Girl Person’s walking stick!

Now maybe you think, “Oh Fruitycake, maybe they just found it.”

Maybe.

Or…

Maybe they were international walking stick thieves.

How was I supposed to know?

No one had shown me their walking stick permit.

No one announced, “Excuse us, Officer Fruitycake, we are simply returning lost property.”

No.

They were just marching up the mountain carrying evidence.

Well, not on my watch.

I launched into action.

Not a slow bark.

Not one of those polite little “woofs.”

I’m talking full emergency mountain alarm.

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Grumble!!! Louder!!

I charged down the path like I was chasing the Allergy Monster himself.

The people looked at me.

Then they looked at each other.

Then they screamed. They screamed a lot.

I don’t mean a little surprised squeal.

I mean the kind of scream that probably echoed all the way to Portofino.

And then…

THEY RAN.

I have never in my life seen humans run that fast uphill.

Honestly, if the Olympics ever needs a mountain sprint event, I know exactly who to nominate.

One second they were standing there.

The next second…

Gone.

Vanished.

Poof.

Like two pieces of focaccia disappearing when Girl Person says she’s “just going to have one bite.”

I slowed down and proudly returned to the persons.

Mission accomplished.

Mountain secured.

Walking stick recovered.

Neighborhood safe once again.

Girl Person picked up her walking stick and started laughing.

Then she said something that has been bothering me ever since.

“Fruity…what if they were coming to buy the rustico?”

…

Wait.

What?

Buy…

OUR rustico?

With…

Money?

Cash?

A backpack full of euros?

You mean to tell me I may have barked away the perfect buyers?

I spent the rest of the walk thinking about it.

Maybe they had already fallen in love with the waterfall.

Maybe they loved the old mills.

Maybe they wanted to restore everything and protect the land forever.

Maybe they were carrying a briefcase full of cash in one hand and Girl Person’s walking stick in the other.

And then they met me.

Officer Fruitycake.

The fiercest fifty-pound mountain security officer in all of Liguria.

Girl Person told me not to worry.

She said anyone who runs away because a little rescue dog is barking probably isn’t the right person to become the next caretaker of this magical place.

She also reminded me that if they really wanted the rustico, they’d probably come back.

Hopefully wearing faster shoes.

As for me, I’ll continue protecting the mountain exactly the way Peanut Butter Brickle taught me.

Because you never know.

Tomorrow it could be another walking stick thief.

Or the Allergy Monster.

Or a suspicious squirrel.

Either way…

Officer Fruitycake will be on duty.

Fruitycake

P.S. Thank you for continuing to stand beside us while we keep going through this season. Right now, one of our biggest needs is fuel to keep the air fans running during this relentless heat. We also need a new pair of walking shoes for the persons.