This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. First order of business for today? Rhode Island? Your roads. Are. Arrested.
It had to be done. It had to be. Now, I love you as a state. You have pretty beaches and houses and farms and good food. But your roads? They are something out of nightmares.
I cannot imagine how your roads could be so bumpy. If dogs could cuss, there would have been a few short words from Deputy Digby Pancake yesterday. Yes, I know that he should not do such a thing, but his pancakes were getting beat up. Real bad.
Speaking of pancakes, I have a question that actually has nothing to do with pancakes. Why in the world are your milkshakes called cabinets? And why are they called Awlful Awlfuls? Once again, I am going to have to add to your arrest report today. Try drinking an Awlful Awlful cabinet on a bumpy road. Nuff said. Actually, it’s not. You. Are. Arrested.
But I am going to let you go until we leave Monday for Massachusetts which is already leaning towards an arrest because who can spell that?
Have a great, long weekend everyone!
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle