This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle and I am back after a few days off from duty. You see, I twisted my foot or ankle or something in Georgia after a six mile hike. Girl Person said that since I turned seven a few weeks ago, we may need to slow it down a bit. Well maybe she should, she isn’t getting any younger either. I just was tired from policing Digby on that trail with all the hazards he was getting into. Stealing people’s bait fish, rolling in dead fish, rolling in seaweed and also getting chased by yellow flies.
But needless to say, a day off of my feet did me good. I got to ride in the car thing on our way to South Carolina and it was a very long drive if I do say so. Once we got here, all I could think about was all the arrests I wanted to make. And yesterday proved to be very fruitful in the way of arrests. Allow me to give you a report of my arrests so far. Side note, if it was a misdemeanor, I did not write it down, I don’t have time for that. But you better know I will remember it.
First arrest. The pine cone murderer. There is a dog here named Casey that should have been named Cuckoo For Cones. She tries to murder every pine cone that she sees and shreds it before your eyes. It’s almost like she likes it. Her person said that she doesn’t even buy her toys, only picks up pine cones. Which leads me to the second arrest.
Second arrest. Person that steals pine cones for the pine cone murderer. Aiding a criminal is double arrest in my book. Nuff said.
Third arrest. All the masked raccoons! They are in people’s coolers, trying to open door handles to cars and even to our RV! Got news for them. Ain’t no room in here for you.
Fourth arrest. The showers here. Girl Person says that hair in drains and flies buzzing around is not a spa environment. Which leads me to my last arrest.
Fifth arrest. Boy Person. Fix the shower. That’s all I have to say about that.
As you can see, this trip is going to be filled with arrests. My only hope is that I can arrest as many fans as possible on this trip. If I see you, I will be saying..you. Are. Arrested.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle