This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. I arrested Monday. It’s Tuesday. You’re welcome.
This morning, we took a really long hike. It was hot in this Florida place. Almost 86 degrees and sunshiney and as you know, the heat makes me irritable. Yes, this is a redeeming factor as a Sheriff. But I was tired and decided I was going to rest a bit before our car ride home in the shade with a cool drink of water while trying to stay out of Deputy Digby Pancake’s stank, downwind draft.
That is when I saw them. The giant dogs called horses. Seems as though they were a bit taken with my good looks, and their riders too. I can tell you this right now, if anyone ever tries to ride me, you are arrested.
So anyway, I saw the horses and they were apparently afraid to walk by me. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to get up. I was tired after my three mile hot walk and that was that. The riders told each other that they would go into the corral until we got in our car so that they didn’t have to walk by us. Girl Person asked me if I was ready to go. Hold up. My Sheriff skills are about to be praised.
Instead of me having to arrest these scaredy cat, giant horse dogs, they arrested themselves. That is how powerful my Sheriff power is y’all! They went into the horse jail by themselves. I expect that I won’t even have to write a report. I will tell my Deputy to suggest this to them. Why can’t all criminals be so efficient? I am thinking that maybe if I stare long enough at everyone and everything that needs to be arrested, it will take care of itself. What do you need me to arrest today? Let me know. Am I getting this good at being a Sheriff? You better answer correctly. Or else. You. Are. Arrested.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle