This is Deputy Digby Pancake. Newsflash for you. And when I say newsflash, I am flashing you the news without pants on.
We have been stuck in the desert for weeks now with no dessert to be found. And we really are pooped. And when I say pooped, I mean a newsflash without pants on with poop on me, cause I rolled in it. When a Florida boy hasn’t seen grass in weeks, he gets kind of down. And then. The park rangers told us yesterday that we couldn’t go on any trails here because rattlesnakes and scorpions have started camping here.
And then…we were supposed to be in Sedona yesterday and we could not find any campsite at all. Some were too small. Some didn’t like dogs. Some didn’t have electricity. Some were just well, booked. This Sedona place must be pretty special. Kind of like a dog telling you a newsflash without pants on in poop with rattlesnakes for company. That is special. Does that even make sense? It doesn’t have to. I am not Tom Brokaw delivering the news. He wore pants. So you know that’s not me.
When someone tells you that you cannot hike with a rattlesnake, you listen. You also seem to start questioning why you are in the desert in the first place.
Oh sure, the desert is pretty. Pretty sunsets and cactus. But those sting ya.
And when you are fighting with the rattlesnakes too, you get kinda irritable. I cannot believe they are doing this. Apparently, when it gets to this time of year in Arizona, they don’t like the heat of the day. And so they decided that they need to book the campsites here to stay at. Every. Single One. When they found out that we were trying to get a campsite, they thought that they would get them first. Arizona rattlesnakes? I have a newsflash for you. As Deputy, I have cleared this with Sheriff Brickle. You. Are. Arrested. And it is my pleasure to do this arrest without pants on.
Now listen. I know you have your place here, rattlesnakes. I know that you were here first. But seriously. Just one campsite for us? With electricity? Is that too much to ask? I guess it is because every campground the persons called yesterday kinda responded like a rattlesnake too.
Apparently, there is not room in this town for the both of us. But newsflash. Without pants on. We will find somewhere to stay today. We have to visit an animal rescue called Golden Bone Rescue and Rehab near Sedona. And we will get there, no matter what. No matter if we have pants on, or if there are rattlesnakes there. We haven’t been stopped so far in 41 states, and we aren’t starting now.
Newsflash. I still don’t have pants on after this blog and I am still pooped.
-Deputy Digby Pancake
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