This is Deputy Digby Pancake.  I don’t say this very often, but I am wishin’ and hopin’ that today was already over.  Can someone arrest today please?  Sheriff?  Wake up from your cookie coma.

Girl Person says that today I have to go see a vet person, and it seems like we have been on this date before.  I wasn’t a good first date at the vet person, and I wasn’t a good second date.  I also was the worst date on the last visit when I threw myself on the floor, cried and pretended to bite everyone when they just tried to look at me. Pretend?  Maybe. Girl Person says I literally go insane and turn into a different dog.  She says in her imagination, this is what happens.

Sometimes her imagination isn’t so far fetched.  Why would anyone want to go to a vet person?  They take my blood which does not belong to them, they poke me without giving me any pancakes, and they ask me questions which I prefer not to answer.  I would rather be at home, taking a nap or laying in the sunshiney.  Make me an appointment for that.

On days like this, Girl Person says that the sooner it is over, the better.  She tries to tell me she only wants me to feel better and that it will be over quick.  For her, not quick enough.  She says that today she will just be wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ that I don’t bite anyone, that I don’t hurt myself by freaking out, and that we don’t get kicked out of there.  I would say that all is going to happen.

The vet person gave us the option of having Sheriff Brickle come along to be seen too with me.  Girl Person said that preferably, she would rather us go separate so that we don’t try to arrest people together, plus, Sheriff Brickle said he was not going today because he had to look at himself at 3 p.m. and could not break that appointment. So Sheriff Brickle will go next week.  However, if things go as planned today, our plan of having a family ban from the vet person will be accomplished.  I will do my best.

So vet person? Please don’t make me angry today.  You wouldn’t like me when I am angry.  And for Girl Person, she just hopes that I can be seen without too much drama or excitement or injuries to the entire town of Bodega Bay, California at 3 p.m.  Tonight cannot come soon enough.  Counting the hours and minutes till that big ol’ stack of pancakes is waiting for me.  I called in my order to Boy Person to have it ready.  I will need to replenish my strength after my transformation into the scariest dog alive.  It’s going to be a long day…

-Deputy Digby Pancake

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