This is Deputy Digby Pancake. Oh, Arkansas. You are the picture of nature. You are the picture of long hikes and pretty mountains.
You also are the place of hot springs and baths that many people only dream about.
I can sure tell you that dogs don’t dream about your baths. And after Girl Person’s account of what she went through on Saturday to feel better, well, I think I will pass.
Girl Person decided this weekend that even though her and Boy Person were swamped with animal rescue work, she had to make some time to visit the hot springs and take a bath here at Hot Springs National Park. Some things the persons think are important, I have no clue why. If someone could tell me why we traveled to over 37 states so far to go take a bath, well, that’s a new one.
Girl Person was so excited that she could barely stand it. She told us that she would be back in an hour or so, and we were so tired from hiking six miles the day before that we let her go. Boy Person stayed with us and she was off. When she finally came home a couple hours later in fact, she looked refreshed. She looked happy. Maybe because she was laughing so hard.
She told Boy Person that when she got there, she picked the bathhouse that was the oldest in operation since 1912. That is older than Sheriff Brickle. When she went up the elevator, a person in there was cranking it up by hand. Um, no thanks. I will stay on the ground with my four paws, thank you.
She told Boy Person that when she got upstairs, there was a room full of other girl persons in sheets sitting around. She wondered if she in fact had brought a sheet and realized that she did not usually carry a sheet. So she waited until someone told her to go into a closet like room and take off her clothes. Well, she wondered that if she took off her clothes, what was she going to wear? That is when the person came in, told her to put her hands over her head and turn around. Well, that is not something you hear everyday unless you are arrested, and in both cases, it sounds a bit traumatic.
So Girl Person did as she was told, all the while wondering why she decided to do this. She slowly walked back out to her chair with the other girl persons and waited for her name to be called. She was disappointed that she had to put away her phone and couldn’t take pictures of this craziness, but understood why. Well, I do too and I don’t even wear clothes. It seemed like forever and she was considering maybe going back to the Big Blue Treat Wagon RV, but it seemed as though she only had on a sheet and her stuff was locked up. Jail? Spa? I don’t know, y’all.
When her name was finally called, she was taken to another big room with old bathtubs, she told Boy Person. There were more people in sheets and and she was taken in to another closet where another person took off her sheet, told her to turn around again, not a good sign, and step up into the bath tub.
Well, she had to do as she was told, got in and realized right away that she was a little light. Girl Person has lost about 15 pounds on this trip so far and when she got in, she floated right up. The other person asked her if she could put her legs under the water. She said she would try and held on for dear life. That’s because there seemed to be a big, old contraption in the tub with her blowing air in the hot spring water. Girl Person looked at this contraption. She took a second. Turbine? Is that not what a tractor has? She got kind of nervous. How in the world had she ended up here? She felt like a boiled egg and wondered does a watched pot ever boil? You bet it does. And it was about to throw her skinny butt right on out of there.
She tried to get a grip, literally, and wondered how long 15 minutes would feel in this thing. Her legs were trying to fly out, she had a key to a locker around her wrist they wouldn’t let her take off, and she could only assume it was for identification if she died in there. She couldn’t help but think if only she had wore her water shoes in here that maybe she could have stuck herself in here like a frog. Alas, there was nothing to do but wait. And wait some more. She began to think they had forgot about her but was afraid to move with a turbine in there.
Finally, her person came in and told her to get out naked again, wrapped another sheet on her and took her to a table to lay down. Girl Person thought that at this point, she would like the relaxing to be over with. But that is when she was wrapped in towels like a burrito. She looked around as she took the towel off her head. Relax they said. She could do this…she could do this. Everyone else seemed to be ok laying there with hot towels on like a burrito. But then it hit her. Still bodies laying on cold tables everywhere with sheets over them. Where was she? A morgue? Now it was freak out time. She thought to herself, if this was relaxing, she would rather be not relaxing.
Finally. Her burrito timer went off and the person told her that lastly, she would be going into a needle shower.
Ok now folks. I have said it again, and I will say it again and again. Leave me out of here with my four paws on the ground. Needle shower is not anything I have ever heard of or want to visit. But Girl Person? At this point, she thought to herself she might as well give up. Sheet was dropped. The person turned on the needle shower full blast and she was hit with water coming at her from all directions. The person asked her if she was good, yeah, good. Girl Person said for sure and they handed her a hot glass of water.
Girl Person stepped out. She was told she was all done, and well, she really was. Being in a hot spring bathtub from 1912 with an electric turbine in the water and laying in a morgue with needle showers was enough to call it a day. She went into her locker and what do you know? She couldn’t get it open. She began to panic that maybe her water shoes had been stolen by another lightweight bather looking for help, but she calmed herself down to ask for help. And then, as they were trying to get it open, her sheet fell off. Perfect she remarked.
She got dressed, looked in the mirror with her makeup running down her face and thought what a great afternoon it truly was. She felt better than she had in years. And she went and bought postcards to write home about it.
I have thought about this before. Seems as though persons have a hard time relaxing unless they are forced into it. For Girl Person, it took an Arkansas bathhouse from 1912 to do this for her. As she sipped her hot springs water, she told us that this Arkansas place has taught her a lot so far. And that if she ever needs to go to a doctor, she will come here instead. I am not sure what is better, but both have needles and I say no thank you to both.
Arkansas? We are here until Wednesday when we head to an Oklahoma place and we will be enjoying you until then. If you missed our Arkansas dog treat, you can get it here!
You will notice our schedule is still off this week. But today, we will be traveling to another Arkansas destination, trying to get out of this rain, so wanna come? Take a bath first. Thanks.
-Deputy Digby Pancake
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