Don’t Make Me Come Out There

This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. Some days everything goes right. Your eggies are cooked to perfection and served to you on crackers. Ok. That’s every day. Some days, the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing, and you know life isn’t so tough.

But then some days, you’re reminded that nothing can keep going as smooth as peanut butter forever. And you hear it, that thought of impending imperfection, gnawing away at your soul. And also gnawing away at your RV awning.

I’ve never met a squirrel that didn’t know the power of squirrelness it had. The ability to climb up trees, fall from trees, and get right back up are skills surely to be envied. Squirrels are relentless, determined and almost as smart as I am. They also choose things to get involved in that should be the basis for an after school special. Don’t their squirrel parents teach them better?

Why do they have to steal all the food…everywhere? Why do they jump on the RV roof day and night for fun?

Why do they make loud noises and tell us off from their favorite branch in the tree? I don’t know. I don’t know. But choosing to eat our RV awning for no reason? Well, that my friend is an arrestable offense. Especially when I’m trying to eat my eggies in peace. With crackers.

Every morning, a squirrel named Nuts in site 165 decides his mission and only mission for the day… eating the awning.

At first, we tried to ignore it. But the truth is, we need that awning. And the other truth is, Nuts isn’t nice about it. He stares in the window. He makes his noises. And he tries to act tough and shows off old battle wounds on his ear. Seriously. The ear. He means business. And so does Boy Person.

It’s hard to concentrate on my eggs and crackers with Boy Person knocking on the window at Nuts. It’s hard to concentrate on my breakfast with Boy Person saying every five minutes, “don’t make me come out there.” Because we know what will happen. Boy Person will bring out some more food for the birds and Nuts will get more nuts and seeds to make him forget about the awning. And he usually does. For five minutes. Until he gets hungry again.

Boy Person knows his game. But he continues to play it. Because there is no choice.

Nuts thinks he has the right to chew our awning. And I suppose he does. But none of us own any part of this earth, even if a piece of paper says you do. Which Nuts would eat anyways. We are all supposed to share the earth. Even a campsite. But as Sheriff, disturbing the peace…and my breakfast is grounds for an arrest. So Nuts? You. Are. Arrested. Even if I like your name.

You see, Nuts needs to realize that even though we have a “right” to do something, that doesn’t always mean it’s the right thing to do. Being nice and courteous means respect for others. Although we are in Nuts’ backyard, we also have the right to park here. And we all can make it work in harmony. I am sure Nuts means no harm except to the awning. But perhaps, an arrest will make him think a little more about his actions. Or maybe he will just tire of Boy Person’s incessant nagging to stop. I am. Nuts? Don’t make me come out there.

Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle

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