Pancakes Don’t Grow On Trees? Ha!


This is Deputy Digby Pancake.  It’s true that Sheriff Brickle does all of the arresting around here.  But I do have the option of recommending certain arrests.  Such was the case today.  And I am not sorry for it.

There we were, hiking.  Imagine that.  It was a brisk morning and quiet on the trails. Not many persons and furkids are as crazy as us to hike so early in the cold.  Well, it’s not my fault they don’t wake up to the smell of pancakes every morning.  But there we were and all of a sudden we heard it. Banging, banging, loud banging.  Even Girl Person stopped on the trail and told us to be still for a moment.  No problem there.  I was trying to decide whether to run or run faster away from this trail but I had to discern which way I was running.  We stood there and I saw the look of alarm on Sheriff Brickle’s face.  I don’t like this look.  At all.

So Girl Person all of a sudden told us to look up.  Ok, should I? I saw Brickle look up and then he looked disgusted. Then he looked at me and I knew I should look up too.  There it was, a big bird banging its head and its beak into a tree?  Are you crazy or something bird? Do you know how loud you are?  Are you not afraid that you are gonna knock your brains out or something?

Girl Person said it was called a woodpecker and that it was a very big woodpecker and that we should admire it.  Admire it? Seriously? I am not going to bang nothing in a tree unless there is pancakes in there and I doubt they would be good pancakes if they were in there anyway.  Wait a minute..yes they would be!!! Maple syrup comes from trees and pancakes growing inside of trees?  I bet that is what the woodpecker was doing. Now I am mad, that woodpecker is taking all the pancakes. I have finally figured this out.  Brickle has always told me pancakes don’t grow on trees.  Liar! I am recommending instead of the woodpecker that Brickle is arrested today!!! Do you agree? Citizens arrest! Citizens arrest!

-Deputy Digby Pancake

Why Would You Do That?


This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle.  And I am highly offended at my persons this morning.  Highly.  And…they. Are.  Arrested.

Why am I starting off my day with an arrest already?  Usually that doesn’t happen before noon.  Unless Digby snores.  Ok, so it always happens before noon.  Anyway, that is not my point.  I am arresting the persons because they went out last night with other persons and I had to wait.  And wait.  And wait some more.  Girl Person’s excuses aren’t even going to lighten her punishment. No way, no how.  Peanut butter cookies would however.

Girl Person said they had to go out where dogs aren’t allowed. First mistake.  What kind of place is that?!  Then Girl Person said it was their friends’ anniversary or something and I could care less.  Honesty is the best policy and I said it.  Girl Person says that they had to go somewhere that served fancy schmancy drinks and fancy schmancy clothes were worn drinking them. Ugh, Digby brought up the point that food is always better than drinks and that unless you are wearing comfy clothes or none at all in fact, food always tastes better at home.  So why persons, why?

Girl Person said that the whole time all she wanted to do was get home to us boys, throw on her pajamas and talk to a bottle of wine.  Yeah, that’s a normal night.  She said that she was sorry for keeping us up waiting and that she would make it up to us.  She said that an extra mile would be tacked on to our hike today.  Seriously?  I was up all night waiting for my matzo and now you are making me walk MORE?  She has lost it.  Could be that she talks to wine.  You persons make no dern sense.  The VIP section of your fancy schmancy person place with fancy schmancy drinks and fancy schmancy shoes would be better with dogs.  Just sayin.  Don’t let it happen again. Why would you do that?!

-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle