Memories Light The Corners Of My Mind

This is Peanut Butter Brickle.  I know it must be hard getting used to me writing to you every day.  Maybe one day soon I will have someone to help me again.  But until then, you are just going to have to deal with perfection.  See? I am still the same old me.

Have you ever thought that you see something out of the corner of your eyes…but you turn to look at it is not there? I wish my memories would do that.  Because I am getting sick of them making my eyes water so much.  It’s been quite awhile since we were near our hometown of  that Tampa, Florida place.  And in some ways, it is hard to be back here without Digby Pancake.  I guess in a lot of ways it is hard.

But something strange happened when we got camp all set up yesterday.

When the memories came in the corner of my eyes, instead of making sad water, they made happy water.

I remembered when we were here as a whole family the last time with Digby Pancake.  I remember how happy we were.  I remember how much he loved to roll in the grass.

And so I rolled in the grass for him.  I rubbed my face on the grass.  I remembered how happy we were together.  And I promised myself that I would not waste any time on the sad memories.

I promised myself I would cherish the time we are here for.  And I will walk the same paths we did together with a smile.  Because.  Home is home.  And Digby is Digby. And I am home with Digby in my heart.

Girl Person said someone told her that there is no set amount of time to grieve.  I think she has been trying to get better quickly, and it just isn’t working that way.  The truth is, things have changed. And we don’t know what to say sometimes.  We don’t know what to do sometimes.  We just don’t know.  And it is ok to admit that.  I haven’t really found the way I want to keep writing the blog.  I feel like I am missing something.  I feel like I want to keep writing and traveling.  I feel with all my heart that we will.  But for now, we are home.  We get to see our family persons and we get to enjoy what Digby enjoyed.  And we should feel pretty fortunate to do that.  We should feel like Digby is here too.  Because he is.

-Peanut Butter Brickle

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