This is honorary Sheriff Texas Ranger Peanut Butter Brickle. Since I received this honorary title from myself at the beginning of the week, I am not sure how to arrange these distinctions. It is almost as confusing as the confusing pattern of my brindle beauteous. I guess that is good for what I have to do. To confuse people means that they are less likely to try and fool me. And you don’t fool a Texas Ranger. Or a Sheriff. Or a Sheriff Texas Ranger. Or a Texas Ranger Sheriff.
If there was ever a job hazard, I have it. I have realized this week that in this Texas place, there are many hazards. Cactus.
There are snakes hiding near the water.
There is the blazing sun which makes you want to eat peanut butter brickle ice cream all day in the shade. If you can find shade without a cactus or snake on your butt.
And then there is job hazard #1. The Deputy Ranger. Or Ranger Deputy. And his dern tail.
You may think to yourself that I have always had this job hazard. Why am I just now realizing it in this Teas place? Well. With all the other hazards here, this hazard is hiding the other hazards which is making my job even more of a hazard. You would think that we lived in Hazzard County or something. Is that in Texas? NO? Makes no sense then.
Anyway. Every time I turn a corner, that tail hits me in the face. Every time I go anywhere with this guy, his tail is doing some talking right in my gorgeous profile. Or the back of my head. Or in my eyes. All of the above.
On top of all of that, this tail is interrupting me intercepting communications from criminals like that German Shepherd we met on our walk this morning who was growling under his breath. I think he said that he knew where that Arkansas diamond was that I arrested Arkansas for. Now we will never know.
Deputy Digby told me his tail picked up that Texas is twice the size of Germany. Well, interesting fact, tail. I don’t really need that for my job however.
Staightenin’ the curves
Flattenin’ the hills
Someday the mountain might get ’em
But the law never will
I do know that the Deputy’s tail is twice as long as it should be. And that is a fact you can stick in your hat and smoke it. Why do things I say make no sense sometimes? I assume it is because Girl Person is interpreting it. And her translation is a little off. Like the tail’s timing.
As Sheriff Texas Ranger or Texas Ranger Sheriff this week, I am arresting Deputy Digby’s tail. Why?
That’s just a little bit more
Than the law will allow
If I don’t put a stop to its meddling with the law here in Texas, it is going to follow me to the New Mexico place next week. And I don’t need that. I have too many arrests to make this week as Texas Ranger. I gave myself a quota. I am also taking suggestions on what or who to arrest this week. You never know. If your suggestion is a good one, I may write about it tomorrow. By the way, I may be in Texas, but as an honorary Ranger, I gave myself worldwide arrest jurisdiction. Talk to the tail. Or leave your comments below. Also on our Facebook page. Or you will be the one arrested.
Just the good ol’ boys
Never meanin’ no harm
Beats all you never saw
Been in trouble with the law
Since the day they was born
-Texas Ranger Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle aka Sheriff Texas Ranger Peanut Butter Brickle