This is Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle. I arrested Monday. It’s Tuesday. You’re welcome.
This morning, we took a really long hike. It was hot in this Florida place. Almost 86 degrees and sunshiney and as you know, the heat makes me irritable. Yes, this is a redeeming factor as a Sheriff. But I was tired and decided I was going to rest a bit before our car ride home in the shade with a cool drink of water while trying to stay out of Deputy Digby Pancake’s stank, downwind draft.
That is when I saw them. The giant dogs called horses. Seems as though they were a bit taken with my good looks, and their riders too. I can tell you this right now, if anyone ever tries to ride me, you are arrested.
So anyway, I saw the horses and they were apparently afraid to walk by me. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to get up. I was tired after my three mile hot walk and that was that. The riders told each other that they would go into the corral until we got in our car so that they didn’t have to walk by us. Girl Person asked me if I was ready to go. Hold up. My Sheriff skills are about to be praised.
Instead of me having to arrest these scaredy cat, giant horse dogs, they arrested themselves. That is how powerful my Sheriff power is y’all! They went into the horse jail by themselves. I expect that I won’t even have to write a report. I will tell my Deputy to suggest this to them. Why can’t all criminals be so efficient? I am thinking that maybe if I stare long enough at everyone and everything that needs to be arrested, it will take care of itself. What do you need me to arrest today? Let me know. Am I getting this good at being a Sheriff? You better answer correctly. Or else. You. Are. Arrested.
-Sheriff Peanut Butter Brickle
Handsomest of all Sheriffs, EVERYWHERE….Will you PLEASE arrest the rude driver in the ugly little car who cut me off and almost caused me to hit a ‘gaggle of geese/ gooses’ that were in the median of the road….not that I’m a big goose fan, they can be VERY ornery, but some were babies!!!! Not acceptable to injure/kill innocent animals. ESPECIALLY if the instigator ‘FELON’ is driving ( poorly, I might add) a tiny pink/purple ‘car’…thank God I have a ginormous SUV with great tires & traction…and, may I brag….I’m a VERY good driver…and the roads aren’t even icy today!!! Dude was on his UNHOLY CELL PHONE!!! Arrest pink/purple tiny cars, bad , rude teen drivers & CELL PHONES when being used while driving….driving BADLY!!! Thank you. But, in that one photo of you & Dirrrrty Digbys ‘Dupa’ ( Polish for BUTT) you look perilously close to his ‘ready, aim, FIRE’ STANK CANNON!!! Beware & Be safe…ain’t no Kevlar that can protect against THAT ‘HoobaStank’!! ❤️❤️😘😘🐶💨💨💩💩💩💨💨💨
Yes, Mr. Sherrif, please arrest my job, that I have to go to tonight at 5pm till 9:30pm. You see, I received a wonderful new promotion to a bigger better store, from the one I’m at now! I’m sure girl person is familiar with it, Chicos, is the name of it (women’s clothing store), it started in the Florida place. Anyway, I wish I was at my new store. So please Arrest my old store, believe me, they really need to be arrested. Thank you sooooo very much! 🐶🐾 Littleton, CO.
Dear Sheriff, please arrest my headache. It’s a dusey, and needs to be arrested!
Thank You